Something feels amiss this year and to be honest, it often does. I'm very big on accepting ones present reality rather than stress out trying to create some perfect mental picture. But when it comes to Christmas, I have a more difficult time with this. I have children and of course I want them to have memories that they treasure into adulthood. So I've been reflecting on holidays past and trying to pinpoint what it is that makes some more memorable than others. I don't have an answer, but here are two of my personal favorites.
Chicago, 1992 (or maybe '93): The early days of my retail career so obviously I did not go home to be with family in Arkansas. I was young and made a decent income so I decided to treat myself. On Christmas Eve, after my store closed I changed into my "little black dress" and headed into the city with my orchestra seating ticket to see Les Miserables (my favorite). Afterword, I had hoped to attend a midnight mass (read: observe unnoticed from the very back) at a giant Catholic church on State Street, but it was standing room only and having never attended a mass of any kind before, I passed. Instead, I took a moonlight stroll down Michigan Avenue. I remember it as being incredibly quiet. . . and then it began to snow. Big, fat, fluffy snowflakes. It was just . . . . perfect. One of my best nights ever. Finally, I headed back home, put on my Sarah McClachlan CD (I know, not very Christmasy, but very chill, nonetheless) and sipped a glass of wine with my crackers and Edom cheese. I loved it and I reveled in it. The next day I went to a couple of friends homes that I had been invited to and had a good time, but it is always Christmas Eve of that year that I remember so fondly.
Lausanne, Switzerland, 1991: The halfway point of my DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM (Youth With a Mission). My first Christmas without family. The school took a break so most of the Europeans had gone home, some took Americans with them and others just ventured out on their own. Only one of my 3 roommates remained behind with me. On Christmas Eve we, along with some of the others who had stayed behind, volunteered to help with a church or charity organization of some sort who were providing a big meal for the homeless. Holy cow, was that a miserable experience. God Bless the Swiss, but man, are they anal retentive. Seriously, a plumb line to make sure the tables are lined up? Oh my head!! It was so annoying that we just had to laugh, and laugh we did. But this is not the good part, it's just something I remembered as an afterthought and to be honest, I do smile because we all did have a good laugh over it. The thing I remember most, though, is exchanging gifts with Katie the next morning. I'm not sure, but I think we got each other the same - terribly extravagant - thing.....an individually sized box of Frosted Flakes. We were missionaries, we had 0 income and it was a huge treat. We put our massive duvets in the middle of our floor and ate our Christmas breakfast together. I don't remember any details of the rest of the day, just that it was all very "chill". (Chill is a big thing for me.) The staff did prepare a nice big meal for those of us still at the base and then we just kind of hung out. I loved it.
I'm not sure what it says about me that 2 of my favorite holiday memories do not involve any of my immediate family. And it doesn't really give me any solid direction on what kind of holiday memories with which I hope to send my children into adulthood. But like I said, I'm a fan of reality and it is what it is. Hmmmmm. . . . .
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