You thought I was done?

Are you kidding me? We started at 10:15 in the morning and I believe that when I sat down to eat lunch it was somewhere between 2:00 and 2:30. Milo actually took a nap in the parish hall for about an hour between the baptisms and chrismations. I share that because it means I came home with LOTS of pictures and even more to personally process. There is no way I could possibly share it all. In fact, there was so much to take in that I did exactly what I hoped to avoid and that is the blurring of the events. I actually missed some of the instruction/expanation prior to this portion as I had to run over and wake Milo up and bring him over. We read through some statements of faith -for lack of a better term - and then venerated the icon that has a very specific name and I can't remember it. What you can't see in the picture is the actual icon of Christ that is lying beneath the gospel book. Through the course of the services earlier in the week Christ is hung on the cross and later taken down to lie here in state. What you can see in the photo is one of my favorite icons (so far). The icon of the resurrection. I love that it is not at the tomb, but instead it is what was accomplished through the resurrection -- the conquering of death and redemption of man. Someday when I learn more specifics about this icon I'll share it. For now I will leave it at that lest I misspeak.

The Entrance

In the early church there was a point in the liturgy where the catechumens had to leave.  (Some churches still include the lines in their liturgy that says all catechumens must depart, but I don't think many actually enforce it.)  So not only were they not allowed to partake of the holy mysteries, but they were not permitted to even stay in the building.  In fact, it seems like I read somewhere that they did not enter the nave at all.  Obviously, that is not the case in our church although with 3 small children, we certainly spend a good portion of our time in the narthex in case we need to make a quick exit.  

What we do, though, is after our baptism, a quick change of clothes, and receiving our crosses we then process around the font 3 times (we looove the number 3 for hopefully obvious reasons) and then enter the nave.  New.  All the while, the parishioners all around us are singing over and over "As many as have been baptized in Christ have put on Christ.  Alleluia."  It is a lovely practice.

Next . . .

The crosses purchased for each of us by our godparents have been blessed by Fr. George and before we officially enter the church, they each put them on for us.  I felt just terrible when Adelaide's godmother missed this part as she was on an emergency errand for us that in hindsight wasn't really all that important.  We recreated the moment later, though.

Funny story.  See that ginormous one on the left?  That's Erik's.  He went big and asked for the Russian baptismal cross.  Adelaide saw it on him later and commented that Daddy's cross was fat.  She waited a brief moment before adding that that was okay, though, because Daddy was fat too.  She calls it like she sees it I guess.

Crosses and oil . . . .

In case you didn't know, the Orthodox are pretty big on oil and the sign of the cross.  Here, before our baptisms, Fr. George prepares the water by making the sign of the cross with his hands and then with the oil.  Then each of the catechumens are anointed with oil - always in the sign of the cross -  on various parts of the body.  Here it's the forehead and the feet.  Of course there were specific prayers that accompanied all of these actions.

Holy Saturday

" . . . . . then immediately he and all his family were baptized."  Acts 16:33

Nervous

Tomorrow morning at approximately 10:15am our family will be baptized, chrismated and received into the Orthodox Church.  A short while after that we will take our first communion in about 3 years.  Aside from all of the petty little logistics that I allow to rattle around in my mind and how things can go "technically" wrong, I am chewing on the profoundness of this moment.  It may sound strange to someone outside of this, but for me this is an event near to that of a wedding.  Even though I have been a practicing Christian for most of my life, this is what I believe I will look at as my conversion.  The commitment is huge, not only to Christ but also to this specific body of believers who have opened their arms to us.  Much like my wedding day, I just want to let go of the details and let the day take it's course whether Milo screams through his baptism or one of the older 2 resist putting their heads under the water or I just do something stupid.  I want to take in every moment so it's not just a big blur when I look back on it.  I want to honor those who have gone before me by not taking a single step or prayer lightly and embracing every second.  

The 4 C's of my Chrismation

Crosses, Clothing, Confession, and Communion. I know they are not the 4 horsemen of the apocolypse, but these are the things occupying virtually all of my brain - not too mention the effect they have on my anxiety level - over the next several days.

First the crosses. This one is pretty much under control now, but earlier this week, it was getting a little stressful. One of the responsibilities of our sponsors is to provide a cross for us at our baptism/chrismation. A lovely practice to be sure. However, in their efforts to be sure we are happy with the crosses we will hopefully have for a very long time as a sign of this huge committment, they invited us to help with the selection. Very thoughtful gesture, just not so great for this gal who absolutely loves a surprise and does not make decisions in any kind of a hurry. I was able to work a deal out with my godmother to just give her some ideas of what I do and do not like and let her go from there. Then I totally flaked on choosing Q and A's. When we did finally make a choice for Addie, it arrived and her godmother was nearly in tears with disappointment over the miniscule size and insisted it just wouldn't do. That was 2 days ago. What I didn't realize was that all crosses had to be given to the priest first so he could see them and bless them before our chrismations. So she was looking at a second order and overnight shipping charges. I felt terrible. The crisis was averted, though, by a quick trip to the Christian Supply store down the street from us where Adelaide selected something that was adequately "sparkly" and all was good again. It was about then that I realized that I had never gotten back to Quincy's godfather with an actual selection. I seemed to have a vague recollection of a conversation with someone, but even that was foggy. I was in a bit of a panic until I found out that it had all been taken care of and was already with Fr. George. I still feel bad for being so lazy and wishy-washy, but at least the end result is good.



Then there's the clothing. I knew this was coming. I could have taken care of it sooner. Did I? Of course not! In my small defense, it has been very busy at work never mind the daunting nature of going clothes shopping with 1 adult and 3 small children. Tell me you wouldn't procrastinate too. Anyway, our church does not do robes for baptism. The only requirement is white. This may sound picky, but in the early church they were doing this naked. Let's all be thankful they let that tradition go. So in my mind I have been taking a mental inventory of the kid's wardrobes and was pretty sure that Quincy had 1 white dress shirt and surely in the vastness of Adelaide's dresses there was at least one white one. And I seemed to remember getting something white for Milo in a bag of hand me downs. What I did not give a second thought to was what in the world Erik and I would wear. So this afternoon we are all home and this is our quest. Not to mention that we not only need something white that can get submerged in the water, but also something white to where after that for the remainder of the service. Pastels are acceptable also, but white is definitely preferred. By sundown tonight, my mission is to have all apparel secured for the entire Paschal weekend. Wish me luck.



Confession. Do I really need to explain why this is stressful? This has been one of my biggest hindrances in becoming Orthodox over the past 3 years. It absolutely terrifies me. But it has to be done. Graciously, they require all other members to complete their confessions earlier in Lent and reserve Holy Week strictly for the catechumens knowing full well, that it will likely be a lengthier process not only because of the volume of sins to confess, but also because it is a nerve wracking experience for those of us brand new to it. For those coming over from some type of liturgical experience perhaps not so much, but for folks like me . . . . . awkward to say the least. We have committed to Monday night. Erik, Quincy, and myself will be confessing individually while Milo and Adelaide get off scott free . . . for now. So that is the other thing we will be doing tonight is making our preparations for that. Again, wish us luck. Or better yet, say a prayer.



And finally, communion. Any stress regarding this stems solely from my own self centered insecurities. Most people joining the church are so eager with the anticipation of finally partaking of the Holy Mysteries, but no, not Heather. Heather is riddled with anxiety over making a mistake herself (I am a bona fide klutz) or having one of her children do so. It's not that I have problem with screwing up, I do it often enough. But when it comes to Holy Communion there are a few, uhhh, ramifications. Without opening a big bag of theological worms, I will simply say that when it comes to the bread and the wine, we Orthodox fall somewhere between the transubstantiating Catholics and the purely symbolic Evangelicals. This is waaayyy more than a commemoration, but it's not cannibalism. It's why we call the elements the "Holy Mysteries". We just can't truly explain it. However, if a crumb of bread or drop of wine falls to the floor, "technically" speaking we would have to burn that portion of the rug and cut a hole in the flooring. The priest could be suspended for a week since he is the one responsible. (We are served communion on a spoon from the priest.) We always have a cloth being held under the chalice just in case something should drop, but that's not really something one should rely on. Besides, a little cloth is not going to do the job when a 10 month old sees something shiny coming straight at him right there within his reach. Any mother out there knows exactly what I fear. That's why Erik is in charge of Milo's communion for a yet to be determined span of time. Then there's Quincy with the dining habits of a caveman. Food somehow just does not stay in his mouth. Never mind the reaction I know we're going to get from both Q and A when they taste the wine, no matter how much it is watered down. I am praying Adelaide doesn't just spit it out of her mouth. We've been building this up for awhile now, and I think the reality is that communion will lose some of it's lustre when they realize they have to take the wine with the bread. We'll cross that bridge in a few weeks. For now I just want to get through the first one.

I feel a little bad that this should be a time of excitement and anticipation and I lie awake some nights thinking where things will go wrong. Honestly I do feel an underlying joy throughout this process and I am completely thrilled to be joining this family. But the real world in which I live has all sorts of potential for disaster. So if you think of us this week say a prayer. I know many a "Lord have mercy" will be streaming from my tongue as well.

The Final Stretch

38 days down.  9 more to go.  Here is what those 9 remaining days look like.

Friday, 6:00pm -  Liturgy of the Presanctified

Saturday, 9:30am - Divine Liturgy followed by work party to get everything cleaned up for the   big sha-bang next weekend

                  5:00pm - Catechuman class

            6:00pm  - Vigil of the Palms

Sunday, 9:30am - Divine Liturgy (Palm Sunday)

Monday, 6:00pm  Vigil

Tuesday, 6:00pm   Liturgy of the Presanctified

Wednesday, 7:00pm   Vigil and Unction

Thursday, 5:00pm   Vesperal Divine Liturgy

                    7:00pm   Vigil

Friday, 2:00pm  Vespers of the Burial of Christ; Vigil at the Tomb

      7:00pm  Vigil

Saturday, 10:15am  Baptisms

                  11:00am  Vesperal Divine Liturgy and Chrismations

                  11:30pm  Paschal Vigil

Sunday,    Pascha!!  The Feast of Feasts!

                  12:00AM   Festal Matins, Divine Liturgy, Banquet

                  1:00pm   Paschal Vespers, Egg hunt, Barbecue   

I couldn't really tell you what each of those services  is for, but if I can work out a variety of childcare arrangements, I will let you know some time next month.  Some may say we go a little over the top this time of year and they may be right.  I believe one of our "cradle" orthodox members was once asked why there are so many different things observed not only during Holy Week, but even throughout the entire year.  His response was simple.  In his thick Slavic accent he replied, "bee-cose,  vee don't fordget noe-ting."  The resurrection is huge, and that's what all of this is leading to, but ya can't just jump right into it or you will certainly shortchange yourself on it's full impact.  There was a lot more going on before it happened.  Things Jesus was trying to say and show and get across to these everyday fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, and Joe Schmoes like you and me.  Throughout Great Lent we commemorate  a variety of very specific events from history, all pointing to that glorious event, but this week we do it all.  We do our best to walk their road.  Not His, but those who were there with Him.  We may not know the sound of his human voice, the smell of his hair, or the actual touch of divinity's scarred and calloused skin, but this week we will do the best we are able to re-member ourselves with those who did.

   

An overdue taste of Spring

After endless days of clouds, cold temperatures, rain, (and even SNOW over spring break!), I would say we here in the NW deserved the glorious respite we received this weekend.  

An Unexpected Side Effect of Lent

The following definitely falls in the category of too much information. Proceed with caution.

Lent makes you gassy.

It seems to have subsided somewhat at this point, but for the first 2 weeks our whole family was becoming quite, how shall I say, musical as well as aromatic. (Everyone was farting a LOT.) Oddly enough, the actual, again searching for the proper words here , output? was in decline. (We were pooping less.)

I think I knew at least that when we stopped eating meat it would have some kind of impact on our digestive systems, but I really didn't have any idea exactly how. And I certainly didn't realize that it would be so smelly. In fact, I think I instead anticipated that all systems would become more, I don't know, civilized? Although, when I think a little more about it, I remember that our vegan friend Kat used to fart all over the place at work. She admitted that she regularly would drop her little bombs in the back corner of the warehouse or the sleeping bag department if she had to stay on the sales floor.

We are an 'open' family when it comes to these type of things, so it's no big deal to just let things flow when at home, but I've got to admit getting through an 8 hour shift at work . . . . well that's another story. Not for Erik so much since he has no shame . . . or maybe it's pride. Whatever.

Anyway, all that just to say if you ever consider becoming Orthodox (or just a hippie) consider all of the ramifications on your personal and social life.

Ow.

(Warning:  This post rambles.  I wrote it several weeks ago and have been trying to find time to clean it up and find an actual link to the music, but the time is not coming and now it's been over a month since my last writing.  So I'm not re-reading it and just throwing it out there instead.  My apologies.)

Forgiveness hurts.

Seriously.

Last month, the Lenten season began with the Rite of Forgiveness. This is the Sunday that comes every year when everyone in the church both gives and receives forgiveness from everyone else there. It is a beautiful and meaningful tradition. It is also a ritual that demands more than a fair amount of physical strength and stamina.

I observed the ritual 2 years ago and it moved me to tears. Last year was Erik's turn to see what it was about and this year we actually participated for the first time. Basically what happens is you move down a line of people greeting each one first with the sign of the cross. You then simultaneously say "Forgive me" (insert name or simply say "brother" or "sister") and make a bow or full prostration -- that would be taking the forehead all the way to the floor -- taking care not to bump heads as you do so. As you rise you say "May God forgive us all" and exchange the kiss of peace. That's 2 or 3 kisses to the cheek depending on ethnic background or possible just personal choice. I'm really not sure. When you get to the end of the line you simply turn then and take your place at the end until everyone has been through the process.

Are you getting the visual of that? Greet, cross, bow, kiss. In fact, you may want to take a moment and try it yourself to get a good feel for it. Be sure and do the full prostration too, because although that is not required, there is no way you are going to simply bow your head when that little 4' 10" grandma from the old country is going all the way down each time. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now add a 20 lb weight to your body (I had Milo in a front pack) and do it about 99 more times.

Yeah. Feel the burn.

I had to remind myself midway through to switch legs when standing back up since my right one was already getting shaky. Milo went along with me quite contentedly and got lots of extra kisses along the way.

Now, aside from the physical demands of this tradition it has the potential to be equally taxing on a spiritual and emotional level. Admittedly, at this point in time there is no one in the parish that has personally offended me and to my knowledge there is no one who has taken issue with me. However, there are people in my life who I have certainly thought and spoken ill of. There are things I have said and done for which I definitely need forgiveness. As Fr. George once said, this is not just about forgiveness of personal wrongs, but overall for the "schlocky" things we have done throughout the year. But that does not exclude the fact that there will be times when we have in fact wounded our own brothers and sisters because we are sinners. And Forgiveness Sunday is your opportunity to suck it up, lay it out there, clean the slate and move on.

This includes everyone, too. I think that is one of the things that struck me so profoundly the first time I watched this. Elderly, teens, and little ones. Men and women. Clergy and laity - in fact, the priest leads off with his family first. It is truly an amazing thing to observe and be a part of.

What struck me this year, though, was the overall mood of the event. I don't even recall the music from the first time I witnessed it, but the tone just felt quite somber. Forgiveness is a serious thing and a humbling thing and remember this was the year where there was out in the open conflict going on. It seemed, though, that people were truly facing up to it. This year, though, I was surprised to find that as I watched the beginnings and then joined in myself, the tone of the whole event was actually quite jovial and it surprised me. There were smiles, hugs, and even some laughter. All the while with the choir singing one of my new favorite hymns for this season called "The Angel Cried". (I'm finding that most hymns are quite simply named after their first line.) I think it loses some of it's impact when you can't hear it, but Frederica Mathewes-Green describes it as glorious and exultant with a melody that is bright, brisk, and joyous. It reminds us that although we are just at the beginning of Lent, Jerusalem and the resurrection are where we are headed. Here are the lyrics. (Don't you just hate when people post lyrics in their blogs?) Yeah, well here they are anyway.

The angel cried to the Lady full of grace,
"Rejoice, rejoice, O pure Virgin!
Again I say, rejoice!
Your son is risen from his three days in the tomb.
With himself he has raised all the dead.
Rejoice, rejoice, O ye people!
Shine! Shine! Shine, O new Jerusalem!
The glory of the Lord has shone on you.
Exult now, exult and be glad, O Zion.
Be radiant, O pure Theotokos,
In the Resurrection,
The Resurrection of your Son."

May God forgive us all.