Other people's children

When we decided to have children, we knew that we would have to establish boundaries, set limits, and dole out consequences. When the second came along we realized that somewhere down th road we would be involved in all kinds of various conflict resolutions. We would teach our children - hopefully - how to be kind, gracious, and all those "mannerly" type things.

Enter "the neighbor kid". Now, my kids have played with plenty of other children and I am well aware that they are far from angelic. But the thing is, up to this point they have always been playing with the children of MY friends. People who for the most part share some similar parenting philosophies. People whose children I already adored. This is my first foray into the world of new friends whose parents I have virtually no relationship with at all. I've seen my kids cry before while playing with other kids and I've seen my kids make the other kids cry, usually because they threw a block or got a little too rough with the wrestling or what not. But never had I heard any child speak those dreaded words "I'm not you're friend anymore!" or "if you don't stop I am just out of here and I am never coming back to your house again". Seriously. Here are just a few examples of conversations overheard or even spoken directly to me from said "neighbor kid".

Here's one from a few days ago . . .
Me (after hearing Adelaide wailing outside): "Quincy what game are you guys playing?"
Quincy: "Well, I don't really don't want to tell you cuz I don't think you're gonna like the answer."
Me: "Quincy, it's true I may not like the answer, but I will always love you no matter what. You need to tell me the truth."
Neighbor Kid: "Don't tell her"
(Quincy did tell me the truth and accepted the consequences like a man.)


Just yesterday . . .
Quincy: "Mommy, [neighbor kid] just slapped me on the belly."
Adelaide (crying): "Mommmmy, [neighbor kid] just hit me with their legs!"
Me: "Neighbor kid, why did you slap Quincy on the belly?
Neighbor kid: "Well, he was just being very rude to me!"
Me: What exactly did he do that was rude?"
Neighbor kid: "He is just telling me what to do and he is not the boss of me!"
Me: "Again, what exactly did he tell you to do that was bossy and rude? I need to know so I can explain to him what he did wrong."
Neighbor kid: "He was telling me to stop hurting Adelaide"
Seriously, as near as I can figure from the stories of 2 5 year olds and a 3 year old, Adelaide was accidentaly injured through the course of some game. Quincy says something in defense/protection of his sister. Neighbor kid slaps Quincy's belly. There was actually a face slapping incident a while back, but I can't remember the details of that one.

From early on in our relationship . . .
Neighbor kid (spoken directly to me upon leaving): "You need to give him a lesson on how to be nice because yada, yada, yada. . . "

Neighbor kid: "Do you have pop tarts?" (This one just happened as I was typing when the wrappers were spotted in the trash. Sure, not thaaaat rude, but still a little more forward than I would like my children to be at someone's house.)

As I said before, my kids up to this point have always played with children whose parents I already had a relationship with. We're all okay with correcting each others children and to be honest, none of my friends kids have ever caused any real trouble. Truth be told, it's usually mine who need to have their behaviour corrected. So what do you do when someone else's child is just flying in the face of everything you consider mannerly? You don't know how they are disciplined or if they are disciplined at all. It's really not my job to train someone else's child anyway, right? And another thing . . . Quincy and Adelaide ask plenty of questions, but neither of them have ever gotten into the whole "why" thing. Neighbor kid is the freaking mayor of Why town. It just makes me crazy. I have found myself getting so frustrated and realized I was getting rougher and sterner than I probably should have with 'neighbor kid'. So now I am just trying to regroup and focus back on my kids and their behaviour and just hope and pray that some of it rubs off or that we discover some new friends who live in the complex once school starts. It also makes me pray all the more that what we have planted in them is rooted enough that they will not be easily swayed by by what they see other kids doing all around them.

So anyway, that's my quasi rant for the day. Just needed to get it off my chest.