I Sigh Alot

Fact:  I have a desire inside of me to tend to this blog and maybe even grow it into something that matters.

Fact:  I am not at a loss for things to say and even currently have 5 drafts waiting to be completed.

Fact:  I no longer work outside the home and therefore am not at a loss for time to complete said posts.

Fact:  I am, however, at a complete loss as to why I don't find the time and do what my soul wants to do.

Fact:  For all of these reasons listed, I find that I sigh a lot these days.

Have you been to that place where you either have something you want to do, something you need to do, or even something you know you should do, yet you continually hit the brakes?  For no apparent reason?  Why do we do that?!

*Sigh*

I believe there are a few reasons I do it.

One is that I have a secret desire inside for people to like me.  Yes, I blog with no real guidelines, no set topics or direction, no real intent other than to just air out my own thoughts and opinions.  But truth be told, I want people to find me and I want them to like me.  I want them to smile, or relate, or connect.  I don't advertise or even invite anyone personally to read, but yet I hope they do.

*Sigh*

Along those same lines, I also hesitate to be completely honest.  I say that I am, but really, I know when I'm holding back for fear it might offend someone or worse yet, cause them to think less of me.  Always turning it back around to myself.  Even in negativity, I like to put me first.  Kind of pathetic, isn't it?

*Sigh*

Finally, I'm not a writer.  Never have been.   Never aspired to be.  I just like to talk (about myself) and figure that with a blog I gain some sort of quasi captive audience.  But see, I read a lot of blogs as well, so when I sit down to put fingers to keyboard everything that comes out is utterly inadequate.  Which is how I feel about a lot of things in my life as I try to accept that I am in the middle of it, and what have I got to show for it?

Ugh.  *Sigh*

So I will try again.  I still have no theme or real plan or direction, but my intent is to at least write and then maybe see if something reveals itself.  God, help me.

*Sigh*