That's pretty much how I feel every time I go grocery shopping these days. I go to any grocery store I please. If I'm doing the full blown shopping, (including my fancy pants Rachael Ray ingredients)I head to New Seasons where they specialize in not only organic products, but local as well. If it's a short list or I just don't have much time, I head just down the street to Safeway. Or if I want to just grab something I can just heat up at home, we swing by Trader Joesfor something like Buffalo Burgers. I don't give more than a fleeting thought to price, and I honestly can't remember my last trip to Winco. Almost everything is organic, from potatoes to cereal to packaged taco seasoning. This weekend I purchased a 2lb. flank steak for about $25.00. Holy cow!! I feel so gashed darn high falutin'.
And then it's time to pay. With as much confidence as I can muster I present my "Oregon Trail" card . . . . which is what food stamps look like these days. It kind of allows you to maintain some sort of dignity since it processes like a credit card. But you do have to specify to the cashier how you are paying so they can push their special little button so I always feel just a little bit awkward. And then I am often overcome with this urge to start explaining. First, I think I should explain/defend my clothing. I wonder if people think I am cheating the system because they see that I have a Timbuk2 diaper bag, Prana clothing, and Chaco sandals. I feel like I should explain that I'm able to score some massive deals where I work and that I promise I didn't pay anywhere near full price for any of it. I want to tell them that I do have a job as does my husband (while a full time grad student) and that I promise I did not have this child to get more money. I want to explain that this is temporary and that sometimes we all just need a little help. Most of the time I hope they respect my choice to spend my "government handout" on healthier choices for me and my family. I had no control over what our monthly amount to spend would be and it can only be spent on food. Because it affords me the opportunity to frequent the higher end grocers does that mean that we have been awarded too much? Or does it mean that everyone should at least have the option to make these choices? I want to explain so much even though I know I don't have to just like no one has to explain themselves to me.
I have learned a lot over the past few years about what "poverty" can look like (according to the federal government I live in it although I am still not convinced) and that you truly never know what anyone's situation is despite outward appearances. Maybe someday I will actually learn see the world around me the way I hope that they see me.
2 comments:
Oh, I know how that feels. When my kids were small I was a WIC mommy. I felt embarrassed that I had a nice car, and yet had these vouchers to buy food for my kids... But I was thankful for it, just like you!
I am contemplating applying for foodstamps because we are really broke but are both doing the best we can. I work fulltime managing apartments and my husband is mixing an album and is going to school for a degree in CIS. Our first little one and I had a hard childbirth but it was all paid for by the state. Is it better that those who receive assistance only use it temporarily as a means to get through a difficult time knowing that they will contribute back to society or is it better for those to use it who aren't appreciative and who are not working towards becoming self-sufficient. I too am confused but also glad that there are good people who need help like us.
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