whatever

Change is so slow

2011-12-21T21:55:00.000-08:00

It's been one of "those" years. You know, the one where Christmas just doesn't feeeel like Christmas. Yeah, the weather is ridiculously mild, but that's not it. It's bigger than that. I'm not depressed, I'm not angry, I'm not overwhelmed. I haven't felt that it's coming up or passing by too fast, but I'm also not eager to just get through it. Recently at a women's group I attend we were asked to describe in one word how we felt about the approaching holiday. Mine came to me quite readily. Ambivalent. At the time, I thought I was saying that I didn't really have any strong feelings one way or the other, that I wasn't stressed out and would just take the holiday as it came. It was only as I began typing this out that I actually looked up the definition of the word. Huh. How strange to discover that it actually articulates my feelings more accurately than I even intended.

Ambivalent: (adjective) 1. having ”mixed feelings about someone or something; being unable to choose between two (usually opposing) courses ofaction: The whole family was ambivalent about the move to thesuburbs. She is regarded as a morally ambivalent character inthe play.

2. Psychology . of or pertaining to the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the sameperson, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

Case(s) in point - I loathe shopping
- I keep thinking of things I want to buy for my kids

I want to make giving a fun, anticipated activity for my kids so I always plan a special day to take each of them to get their own Christmas shopping done.
- The 2 oldest ones take for-EVER making decisions, and it takes all of my energy just to maintain the facade that I don't loathe shopping.

- Every year I resent Santa a little more
- Every year Santa keeps delivering gifts

- I want my kids to embrace the quiet anticipation of Advent
- I want them to have magical memories of all the fun, fun, fun

- I want to give simple gifts
- I want to not give crap that is broken by the end of the week

- I don't want to overspend
- I desperately wish I had more to spend

- I despise the raging consumerism
- I hate how hard I have to think and work and search to stay within my budget

- I want a peaceful, warm, comforting atmosphere in my home
- I lose my temper on a regular basis

- I want to ditch virtually all of the typical holiday activities
- I would miss much of the typical holiday activities, never mind that my family would likely disown me.

I know lots of people (we all do) talking about how they want to simplify Christmas. "Oh, we just want to keep the holidays simple so we can focus on the little baby Jesus." While we unwrap alll these presents ... and play with all of our new toys and gadgets... and plan for a perfect family gathering to the point of psychosis.

I grew up a Christmas fanatic. I was the one hauling out the decorations. I was the one trying to convince my folks we could keep a live tree from Thanksgiving to Christmas. I loved the big shopping excursions, and I could never, EVER get enough Christmas music. But something has changed and I'm still not exactly sure what it is. Is it because I'm older? Poorer? Tired?

Or is it possible that I'm wiser. The more I think about it, I really believe this should be a quiet and reverent holiday. Especially Advent. The anticipation of Christ's arrival on earth as one of us should be hoped for in hushed tones, not in the noise of commercials and cartoons and shopping malls. But alas, this is a change made much easier as an individual and NOT as a mother of 3 small people and wife to a husband who doesn't think so much on such things.

So I sigh, do what I can to re-direct our focus, lose my temper when it doesn't matter to everyone as much as me, and then, with regret, cross myself and say a Jesus Prayer, sigh again and start over.

And now it is Christmas Eve. I did manage to utilize an Advent calendar every day for the first time ever. I did not manage to have to the quiet family time each evening as I had hoped. I did complete all of our readings for our first ever Jesse Tree. Did not get to read all of the books that I wanted to with the kids. We did do more crafts and baking together than in the past. We did not volunteer to do anything this year. We did make a purchase from Mercy Corps. My kids still don't really 'get' it, yet.

So, I think we're making progress, slow as it may be. Here's to next year and the hope that my one word description will be closer to content.

Full Circle

2011-11-16T11:33:00.001-08:00

It was the summer of 1993, and I was following my dream of a career in retail (something I tend to consider a youthful indiscretion that turned into some Godfather like beast that wouldn't let me get away after realizing the terrible mistake I'd made) when I received my first management assignment in Bourbonnais, IL. That's about an hour south of Chicago, for those who don't know, which is pretty much anyone who has never been there. I will never forget that first weekend the company sent me up there to find a place to live. Ha! First of all, the gal in corporate in charge of travel arrangements had to rely pretty much on yellow pages for locating accommodations which landed me at the Holiday Inn on East Court Street in Kankakee. Trust me, if you knew the area at all, you would, at the very least be saying, "oh my, that sounds kind of dangerous". As for finding a place to live, welllll, that was going to be tricky. There were virtually no apartment complexes to be found, and the few rental type properties I was able to locate just by driving around randomly (remember, there was no internet) only had a sign with a phone number out front, which no one seemed available to answer on the weekends. Fabulous. As luck, or fortune, or God would have it, I opted to find a church to attend Sunday morning rather than continue this futile search. I was still a verrrry good evangelical Christian girl at this time. Picked one out of the yellow pages that sounded non-denominational enough and lo and behold discovered a good friend from college there. Here I was in her stomping grounds where she and her husband were in the process of building their own house, to which she, without hesitation, invited me to move in with them when it was finished. After making certain it was alright with her husband, my housing dilemma was solved. In the meantime, I lived with her folks in her old room. A little awkward, but it worked and it was CHEAP.

Have I mentioned that I LOVED my work? Well, I did. I was insane for it. I worked constantly and never, ever complained because I truly enjoyed it. Seriously. Open to close, 7 days a week, which during the holidays could easily add up to 80-90 hours a week. More than one comment was made to me that my social life was suffering and that I would never meet someone with whom to settle down. I usually responded that I had yet to meet anyone more interesting than my job, and that when I did I would gladly cut back on my work hours. Until then, this was my life. Little did I know that my future was right there working alongside me.

I will bypass all the gushy details, but about a year later an employee who had left and returned turned into a close friend and we proceeded to follow our own little "When Harry Met Sally" path from there. In January of '95, he professed his feeling for me shortly before moving back to Dallas, TX where he could live with his folks for awhile and save money while getting his Masters in Psychology at UNT. I think it was in March when I was offered a store in Wichita Falls, TX, about 2 hours NW of Dallas. And thus began a year of much mileage, mostly on his part, driving up after work on Friday, spending Saturdays in my little apartment or seeing all the wonderful sights of north Texas until I got off work in the evening. Sundays were similar and then he would drive back verry late that night. After a year of this, I realized that he really was serious about this and that I just might be serious, too. Also, I had quickly grown weary of Wichita Falls, and with no prospects with my own company in the Dallas area, I decided to step out of management and went to work for the first Nordstrom in the Lone Star State at the Dallas Galleria. Two years later we were married.
And he never did get that Psych degree.

Fast forward about 5 or 6 years and we are living contentedly in our nice suburban house, I'm working a nice 40 hour a week office job with a decent salary, and Erik is an associate pastor at our church where we are heavily involved. We have a 2 year old and a newborn. In the 5th week of my 6 week maternity leave I receive a phone call from my boss letting me know that I was not invited to return to my job. Let's just suffice it to say it was one of the most devastating and easily the most humiliating experiences of my life and move on. Nine months later I still had not found work when Erik comes home in the middle of the day furious because he had just been given an ultimatum that essentially led to him losing his job. In the midst of that pain we realized that there was no longer anything tying us to Texas, a place neither of us had ever really been that fond of, to be honest. Erik had begun his MA in Theology at SMU, but obviously had to stop when the jobs ran out. So we started looking for somewhere we could go to start fresh and finish the degree which is pretty much how we ended up in the breathtakingly beautiful Pacific NW. Portland, OR, the place where we began to heal.

It was in Portland that I began this blog, so I guess if you want to know what happened there, you can check the archives. Some of the high points include having another kid, Erik finally getting that graduate degree, and converting to Orthodox Christianity. You don't have to go too far back to see that after 4 years, our journey then took us to Canada. And there life got a little, ummmm, challenging. I don't know if I was too busy or too discouraged to blog, but I just lost all motivation to continue sharing. (Or maybe I just got too caught up in that cursed Facebook.) I hope to someday recount a few of my tales of woe and wonder in the great ~~white~~ muddy grey north, but that is for a later time. I'll just skip to the end of our time there. The part where the Canadian government said "Your adventure here is over. Go away." Excellent. That's just what we were hoping for; to shell out some cash we didn't have to move to who knows where and try to find work in a country that is experiencing record unemployment. Perfect.

This is when we were reminded once again that by the grace of God we have a truly amazing network of support. I believe our home parish in Portland would have orchestrated a military extraction were it in their power. My brother and brother-in-law in Arkansas were leaning more towards the Red Dawn/Rambo approach. What did happen was that we had 3 different people in 3 different states offer us a place to stay until we could get things in order again.

Which brings us back to where we are. Literally. Erik's parents had moved back to Bourbonnais, IL - the home of their alma mater where f-i-l was given a plum job offer - about 3 years ago. They had a finished basement that they were willing to convert into an apartment like living space for us. After exploring the various job markets and living expenses, etc. of the options we had, we landed here. Again.

So yes, nearly 20 years, 6 moves, 1 marriage, 3 children, 2 dogs, and 2 graduate degrees later, I am back where this all kind of started.

And I still don't have a place of my own.

Stay Tuned

2011-11-16T10:59:00.001-08:00

Okay, so now that I've shaken everyone off my trail, (what? you thought I didn't have a plan for my 2 and 1/2 years of silence?) the story may continue...

It's funny 'cause it's true . . .

2009-04-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you without the blessing of daughters, here's a tiny glimpse into what you're missing . . . .

And lest you be concerned, yes, I love my daughter. Immensely. I just wish she would take a breath every now and then.

Ohhh Cannn-tada!

2009-04-02T13:29:00.000-07:00

After a year and some months after completing his MATS, 4 PhD rejection letters and lots of wondering about what in the world we were going to do next, Erik has been accepted into a Master's program at St. Paul University . . . . . in Ottawa, Ontario . . . Canada. Eh?

We are both actually very excited and hopeful about this new possibility although right now it feels quite daunting, moving a family of 5 to another country, not to mention financing the further education. So we are eating this elephant one bite at a time beginning with financial aid and passport applications. Let me tell you, it is no easy task getting a 22 month old child to pose properly for a passport photo. And don't even ask how the 6 year old reacts every time we so much as look to the north. Thankfully, Quincy is fairly indifferent. We are really working the whole "lots of snow to play in" angle without mentioning the actual temperatures or non existence of "snow days" for school.

As for the grown ups, I am more than a little anxious about finding a brand spanking new job in a largely bilingual city. Oh, and a place to live too. Erik is hoping to take a quick trip up there next month to get a better feel for the school, the job and housing markets, and an overall take on the city and whether or not we can really make a go of it. It is all just a little overwhelming, but deep inside I am wired for adventure and surprises so it is quite exciting at the same time.

So there ya have the latest word on Young family news. Hopefully, there will be further updates to come. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get aboot the rest of my day. ; )

I'll just sit back now and wait for The Food Network to call

2009-03-28T07:13:00.000-07:00

You've seen the pictures in the past, now you get the live experience. At least until I decide it's too embarrassing and remove it.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-04T06:38:00.001-08:00

Eve and Mary

by Sr. Grace Remington, ocso

Friday Fun

2009-02-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

Surely I can at least start posting something once a week to try and make you laugh. This is soooo funny and actually expresses some of the thoughts I've been mulling over for a "much deeper" post that will likely never happen.

Holy Crap!!

2009-02-27T14:20:00.000-08:00

I had no idea how long it has been since I last posted anything. Clearly, the blog world has been distraught and just unable to reach me. I've had lots of ideas and thoughts and things I wanted to post, but wow, I guess I just didn't get around to it. So just in case anyone out there still checking in, let me say that I am hopeful that I will return to some level of regularity (with the blogging that is) in the near future. If you're any kind of a regular you know I have commitment issues so don't hold your breath.

Tonight, Vee Dance!!

2008-11-30T16:55:00.000-08:00

Erik and I looove watching The Amazing Race for a variety of reasons, one of them being the opportunity to watch people brave enough to make complete fools of themselves. I don't think I have ever laughed harder than when I watched this portion of last week's episode. The best part? We have already seen previews from tonight's episode showing the frat boys facing a challenge that they alone must complete . . . . yep, it's dancing. Can not wait.

Riddle me this . . .

2008-10-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

The Religious Right often waxes poetically about how we need to return our nation to the original plan of the founding fathers, that being a "Christian" nation. (Which, by the way, I am not convinced was their intent.) However, when it comes to most government policies or programs that line up with the actions of Christ himself i.e. taking care of the poor, the outcast, the less fortunate etc. by way of basic needs such as food, housing, and health needs, they cry government interference. I don't get that.

Friday Fun

2008-10-10T07:05:00.001-07:00

The "man cold" . . . . tee hee . . .

Wordless Wednesday

2008-10-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

The up side of poverty

2008-10-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

When things go south economically, you don't have nearly as far to fall as other folks. The panic seems to be minimized since you already know the reality of "cutting back".

Friday Funny

2008-09-26T06:33:00.000-07:00

Oh my.....

Thank goodness for Joel McHale because truly I was left speechless.

Cover Me

2008-09-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

I used to think that anyone who did a cover song was nothing but a hack. Over the years, though, I have found that really it takes some skill to take a song that someone else gave life to and somehow make it yours. There are still plenty of hacks out there, but I have compiled a (rather lengthy) list here of some that I believe are certainly worth of your attention.

(Ed. note: if you also read my husband's blog I just want you to know that I had the idea for this topic months ago, and began my draft of it almost 3 weeks ago. He had no idea. We both have lots of original ideas. After 10 years of marriage they just seem to overlap more often. Although the end results are quite different.)

Some Favorites

El Tango de Roxanne (feat. Jacek Koman/Jose Feliciano) - Ewan McGregor

A reminder of the brilliance of Baz Luhrman and his films. I love the very raw emotion in this song -- the gravely sound of Jacek Koman juxtaposed with the purity of Ewan McGregor's yearning. The strings, the passion, the love, the loss, aaaaa!!!! Fantastico!

Hotel California - Gipsy Kings

The Gipsy Kings could remake "It's a Small World" and I would probably love it. But to listen to this one...man you can almost see Antonia Banderas walking down that dusty road to the lone structure off in the distance that looks so dangerously inviting.

Hurt - Johnny Cash

I'm not a huge NIN fan so I was only vaguely familiar with the original of this song. When I heard Johnny Cash sing it, I was just drop jawed and moved almost to tears. What a beautiful, aching song. While it gave me more respect for Trent Reznor, and I do appreciate his version, he was just a boy when he wrote it. Johnny Cash sings it from the other side with a lifetime of perspective in every word. In it's stripped down form it is painful and hopeful all at the same time. Beautiful.

Man Who Sold the World - Jordis Unga

Miss Unga was a contestant on the first season of "Rock Star" a reality show to find a new lead singer for the band NXS. She didn't win, but was/is an amazing talent. I can't even define what it is about it, but up until I heard her sing it, it was jut another Nirvana song. When she sang it, you knew it was personal. I love that.

Wonderwall - Ryan Adams

I was fine with the first version of this by Oasis although their pugilistic reputation turned me off to them as a band. This sparse, bare bones rendition is haunting and just gorgeous. On a side note, while listening to the original on iTunes I discovered a whole gamut of really crappy covers. There may be another cover blog in the future....

One - Cowboy Junkies

Before I heard this song, I would have gone to the mat saying no one should mess with a U2 song. This one proved me wrong. What I think really makes a good cover is taking a song and truly making it your own. If it sounds just like the original I am not impressed. If you do something different just to be different, that's just lame. But if you can make it sound like it could have been your song, that your heart is in it, then you've got something. I've never been a big fan of the Mary J. Blige duet version of this. To me it has way more energy than this song requires. Cowboy Junkies take it down to this whisper-like almost prayer of a song. It's just breathtaking and dare I say I almost prefer listening to this over the original. =0

Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Who knew that what this song needed was more ukelele? It's just so sweet and unpolished. Most people feel the need to really belt this one, but this gentler almost innocent approach is what really shines.

Evil Woman - Soul Hooligan

While I do not have anything against E.L.O. I will readily admit that there is nothing sacred about their music and it wouldn't take much to improve it. This version is awesome! It is from the Austin Powers Goldmember soundtrack and from the first electronic notes to the breakdown 2 minutes in it just rocks. Where the original might make you sway along to the beat, this one makes you MOVE!

Sweet Emotion - Leo Kottke and Mike Gordon

Possibly my favorite cover song ever. This song caught my attention at work several times based on it's base line and almost folksy guitar work. It was quite awhile before I even realized it was an Aerosmith song. It is world's apart from the original and it totally works. The deep and steady vocals are hypnotic and the complete opposite of the screams of Steven Tyler. Instead of hitting you in the face it instead quietly sidles up beside you and takes you on one smooth ride. You have to check this one out on itunes. You will not regret it.

With My Own Two Hands - Jack Johnson feat. Ben Harper

This one would qualify for the "didn't even know it was a cover" list, but I'm leaving it here with the favorites because I just love this song. This version trumps the original hands down. It is from the "Curious George" soundtrack and in typical Jack Johnson form it is unassuming, a little winsome, and just generally sweet. When it was in heavy rotation in our car 2 years ago I would literally get choked up when my then 5 and 3 year would be singing in the back seat " . . . and I can comfort you, with my own two hands . . . ".

The following are songs are all good, though in my mind they just don't grab me like these first ones. All still respectable and worth a listen.

American Woman - Lenny Kravitz

This song just rocks. I love Lenny.

Blackbird - Sarah McLachlan

I am not a Beatles fan, but Sarah made me like this one.

Lady Marmalade (with Lil'Kim/Mya/Pink) Christina Aguilera

Come on, you know this one has a groove that I dare you not roll your hips (and maybe some shoulder also) to.

Landslide - Dixie Chicks

I do like the Smashing Pumpkins version as well, but the harmonies of the Chicks are what put this one over the top for me.

Personal Jesus - Johnny Cash

I think for Johnny, it is personal.

Bizarre Love Triangle - Frente!

Can't find this one on iTunes, but it was back in the mid 90's. Again a very stripped down, acoustic version with an airy voiced female lead. An entirely different animal than the electronic original

I Melt With You - Nouvelle Vague

A slowed down, female led, groove lounge version. Makes me wish I drank martinis.

A Little Respect - Wheatus

I just discovered this one on Erik's playlist so I can't yet articulate why I enjoy it so much, but I do.

Sweet Child O' Mine -Sheryl Crow

I would rather hear this one over the original any day.

Cielito Lindo - Chignon

I think I have a thing for gravelly voiced Latin music.

Here Comes the Sun - Richie Havens

Seriously, I only like Beatles music when someone else sings it.

Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson

I loved this song in the 80's and appreciated the dark feel that Annie Lennox's voice gave it. Little did I know there was a young man in Ohio who would make it even darker. You have to agree that Marilyn's style totally fits the song.

Boyz in the Hood

Listening to this just makes me laugh. I don't even know what the original sounds like as it is just not my genre. But the contrast of this pleasant and simple music with the "Parental Advisory" lyrics I find quite amusing and enjoyable.

I also have to give an honorable mention to the soundtrack for "50 First Dates" that is all reggae cover tunes. All are actually done quite well.

These next few are songs that I had absolutely no idea were cover songs for a very long time. I think that says a lot either about their skills or my general lack of musical exposure.

Battle of Evermore - The Lovemongers

Erik tells me this is actually quite true to the original. Perhaps there is a Zeppelin fan lurking in me yet.

Everybody Knows - Concrete Blonde

Sweet Jane - Cowboy Junkies

Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor

I've Done Everything for You - Rick Springfield

Wild Horses - The Sundays

I have since grown to love the original equally along with many more than I ever expected from the Stones catalogue.

And finally a few that aren't typically my style, but I think they might grow on me over time. : )

Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) - Jay-Z

I have to admit it's catchy and far more enjoyable than all those urchins singing it.

Low Rider - Korn

Like a Virgin - Teenage Fanclub (from the Threesome soundtrack)

Billie Jean - Club Nouveau

Another Day in Paradise - Dennis Brown

99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger

And finally, (I mean it this time) a couple of bands who have no songs on any of my lists. But like a circus sideshow, they are impossible to overlook. Just file these under "interesting oddities".

Hayseed Dixie - they started as a bluegrass AC/DC cover band but have gone on to cover the likes of KISS and maybe some other metal. It is unique to say the least.

Dread Zeppelin - This is a Zeppelin cover band who does all of the covers in reggae style with an Elvis-impersonator (Torte-Elvis) as the the lead singer. We actually own a couple of CD's because my husband believes the whole concept works. I'm not convinced yet, but I am intrigued.

And there ya have it. I'm sure you can't wait to go load up your iPod right away.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

Whoa.

2008-09-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

What's interesting is that several years ago I would have been shocked and saddened by this article. Today though, I find myself smiling. Partly because I admire the kind of courage it takes. The other not so noble reason is that I'm very curious to see how the evangelical community handles this one. Michael English is water waaaayyyy under the bridge.

Cutting the (Cable) Cord

2008-09-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my husband, quite out of the blue, threw out the idea of canceling our cable service. When I pointed out that we only pay about $8.00 a month and that while we really do need to cut costs wherever we can, I wasn't sure this was going to make much of a difference. To my surprise he said this was not about the money. It was more about time spent, more accurately lost as we mindlessly surf through looking for something to watch and almost worse, watching nonsense. He's right, I know. But in all honesty, it is a really difficult thing for me to commit to. (Shut up about my commitment issues. I already know.)

I have gone without TV before. When I was a kid, our TV was out of service for several months at a time. What's funny is that I have vivid and very fond memories of endless rounds of charades with my family. It's something I think all of us look back on with a smile. Four years of college -- no TV, no problem. I was totally out of the loop when shows like "Home Improvement" and "Roseanne" premiered but I was alright with that. Same thing when I first moved out on my own. My coworkers could not imagine how I survived without "the tube" to the extent that someone finally loaned me one.

I think the problem now, is that I have come to rely on the TV for my "down" time. That time when the kids are in bed finally and I can have some quiet grown up time. I'm usually too tired, or at least that's what I tell myself, to really do anything else. My kids are even more dependent. I'm really not proud to say that my kid's love TV. Actually, they love all forms of media and truth be told, that saddens me. They go through phases of being really obsessive to relatively indifferent, but I know there would be much wailing and gnashing of teeth if we do decide to eliminate it. Although, we wouldn't be getting rid of the TV, just the programming. We would still have access to videos, DVD's and anything available on the internet. Which leads me to my other doubt. Would we really consume less if we simply cut out the cable? Or would that simply open up our schedules to partake of different forms? The painful truth for me is that if I really wanted to eliminate a time waster in my life it would be this glowing beast before me right now. Talk about something that sucks the hours away....

I have a dear friend who lives with her family of 5 in England. We have recently reconnected and I get to see a glimpse of her day to day life via Facebook. (Yes, I see the irony here.) I have to admit I get quite envious when I read about evenings spent on mom and dad's bed with a variety of activities -- reading, drawing, chatting. Or when I see a photo of an impish little girl soaking up a sunny afternoon on a trampoline. Or hear about things like recitations given as gifts. It's all so rich and beautiful and void of pop culture. I don't think my friend would describe her life as idyllic, but from where I stand I can't think of anything more appropriate. Through very tough times they have more than strengthened their family bonds. They are rock solid.

My kids are not fools, and TV and movies have not robbed them of their intellectual abilities. (The jury is still out on what it has done to me.) My kids are not disrespectful (most of the time) and are generally well mannered. But inside I can't help but wonder if there could be a better way for us as a family.

I don't know if we will turn off the cable or not. I think the greater challenge for all members of my family is establishing when enough is enough. Setting limits we may not like, but stick to because they are in all our best interests. And finding ways to get time away from this smorgasbord of technology that the world around us tries to convince us we need.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

Back to School

2008-09-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

So Quincy, despite his protestation, headed off to 2nd grade last Tuesday. You can see by the photos just how thrilled he was.

Adelaide, on the other hand was just beside herself with excitement over starting Kindergarten. We do half days here in Oregon, so in addition to having to wait until Wednesday because her last name begins with "Y", she also had to wait until 12:00 before we could head to the school. She requested the time left to wait no less than every 30 minutes from about 8:00am. We finally went ahead and went a little early where we had to wait in the hallway and finally were the first ones in the classroom. We were thrilled that Addie was able to get Mrs. Thetford -Quincy's amazing Kindergarten teacher - who she happily calls Miss Feffurd. My only hope now is that she actually grows into that backpack before high school.

Second Annual . . . .

2008-09-05T21:10:00.001-07:00

. . . farewell to summer visit to the zoo on Labor Day. It was actually a very chilly start to the day, but we knew we had to get there early on account of the holiday as well as the fact that this was the first weekend they were allowing the public to see the brand new baby elephant. We opted not to wait in line for an hour for that and instead enjoyed all of the other animals that had much smaller crowds due to afore mentioned pachyderm. Attached are more photos than you probably want to see. Humor me.

The Young zoo at the zoo.

Have I mentioned how much my sun adores dinosaurs? This was the last day for this special exhibit.

We figured eating an elephant ear would suffice in lieu of actually seeing the new elephant.

Seriously, aren't they adorable????

And finally, let me just take a moment and say that never in my life would I have envisioned myself dressed in coordinating clothing and hair (PINK, no less) with my daughter. Little did I know what joy it would bring me to do something I would never choose just to make her happy. I have nothing against the shirt or the hair, it's just the matchy thing that is just not my style. What's even funnier is that Addie rarely wants to "fix" her hair, but when I offered to do ponytails she leapt at the chance to have the ones that look just like Wanda's on Corner Gas. She cracks me up.

A grand time was had by all.

You should read this

2008-09-05T05:37:00.000-07:00

I think my husband is brilliant and insightful. Case in point . . . .

Friday Funny

2008-09-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify, the Young's loved the summer olympics. . . but Bucky the cat still makes me laugh.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-09-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

California Pasta with Artichokes and Almond-Citrus Pesto

2008-08-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

I think maybe I'm done with the summer pasta dishes. While this one was not a total disaster like the last one, it just overall was not good enough to merit the money and time spent on it. While I was eager to try my hand at making my own pesto, I knew I was taking a chance by not having an actual food processer. In case you're thinking that a blender will work just as well, you would be wrong, especially if you try to use the rubber spatula to smush everything down when it fails to actually "blend". I did finally get it to work, but I had to call in Erik for assistance. Oh yeah, and I think I'll be omitting any artichoke hearts for awhile. They seem to only be available at New Seasons and now that the food stamp account has been cut back, we are not in a position to do the fancy pants shopping anymore. And besides, they're really not that good.

The salad wasn't bad. I do love all the different dressings that Rachael (Ray) does and for the most part they are really, really simple -- although a full jar of orange marmalade just to use one tablespoon is hard to justify. (Please feel free to submit your marmalade suggestions anytime because it is unlikely I will use it on toast.) The downfall of the salad was that I again followed all instructions and used arugula knowing full well that it was a more, how shall we say, flavorful lettuce. Rachael tries to pass it off as "spicy", but that's really not it. I liked it alright, but I'll let Quincy's comments speak for everyone else. Now keep in mind that this is the very unique 7 year old boy who looooves his salads and typically eats and enjoys just about anything I put in front of him. When clearing his plate after dinner he accidentally spilled his bowl on the floor. I told him not to worry about it and just let the dogs have it to which he quickly responded, "The dogs won't eat that." Nice.

Yeah, I think it will be fine to just go ahead and toss this one straight into the recycling.

Life in Oregon

2008-08-29T23:04:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of spending any extended time in the great city of Portland here is a little something to give you a taste. This ran in The Oregonian several months ago and I think it gives a VERY accurate representation. I especially like that it is presented under the title of

Oregon's Deadly Sins

(I've added a few personal comments in italics)

Drinking instant coffee

Ordering regular drip at a Starbucks (if you even bother to set foot in a Starbucks instead of Peets or Stumptown or anything local)

Forgetting your personal cup and killing a tree (or your reusable grocery bags)

Tossing a soda can in the trash

Refusing to sort your recyclables

Complaining about the sun (which they do here when the temperature hits a mere 90 degrees)

Using an umbrella -- ever (we learned early on that if we wanted to "blend" the umbrellas must be banished)

Not commuting to work, shuttling kids, schlepping groceries or transporting furniture on a bike

Not yielding your right-of-way and creating a polite-off that stalls rush-hour traffic (this is my biggest pet peeve here. What it looks like is this -- I'm walking to work and come to the intersection with a 2 way stop so I politely wait if I see a car coming since THERE IS NO STOP SIGN FOR THEM, giving them the right of way. Yet, 90% of the time they will stop to let me cross regardless of any traffic that may be behind them. The worst is when I'm trying to cross with a stroller, children and/or dogs. This happens with other drivers as well at intersections everywhere. There is just no regard whatsoever for right of way and the concept of keeping traffic flowing. It drives me absolutely up the wall!)

Driving the freeway speed limit (This was also a tough one to adjust to. I had spent 8 years prior to living here in Dallas, TX where you "piss or get off the pot" when it comes to driving. As long as it wasn't rush hour you could seriously set your cruise control for 10 miles over the speed limit and be just fine. Here the limit is 55 and virtually no one ever actually reaches that speed! True to their laid back lifestyles here, they're just toolin' along - in the left lane I might add - maybe pushing 52. Maddening I tell you!

Rooting for ANY Husky sports team for ANY reason (even if your kid goes there) (That's one of the Universities in Washington. I still can't keep the OR and WA schools and mascots straight.)

Snowboarding on a downhill ski run

Drinking beer from a can (I feel bad for my husband that we are in such a crappy financial condition while living in a microbrew paradise.)

Not setting foot on a tribal reservation unless David Cassidy is performing (Yeah, I don't get this one either.)

Pride in your nonorganic lifestyle

Wearing Adidas onto the Nike campus

Desecrating the memory of the Church of Elvis

So there ya have it. They mean it when the say "Keep Portland Weird". But I think it's a lot of that weirdness that makes it such a great place to be.

Friday Funny

2008-08-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Erik and I have watched every season of Last Comic Standing. This is the season 2 winner John Heffron. The audio is pretty bad, but the bit still makes me laugh.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

Whose Church is it?

2008-08-24T22:31:00.000-07:00

I regularly listen to a podcast that deals with God in pop culture. If you have an hour and a half of time just lying about, I would certainly recommend giving the boys at Steelehouse a listen. I am a total sucker for pop culture and most of the time I listen with a nod and a smile as they discuss movies and songs of my youth or current TV shows of which I am a huge fan. Just recently, however, they were on the topic of church/worship media,and it brought back to mind this question that has been rolling over in my head for about the past 4 to 5 years.

Why does church - and by that I mean a good ol' Sunday morning service - exist? For whom is it there?

Jeff Huston and Mark Steele, the hosts of the podcast were at a conference on worship media. And I tell ya what, 6 years ago I might have thought that was a pretty good idea and may have even attended, considering it was held in Dallas. I was all about engaging the culture and being all relevant and whatnot. But now . . . . it just really rubs me wrong and kind of even makes me sad. And I believe the reason for that is because the focus seems largely on a.)non-believers and 2.) me. It's like a new paint job on a seeker sensitive service. Over the past few years I have come to believe that the group who that Sunday morning gathering is really for is 1.) believers and b.) Christ. And while yes, becoming Orthodox is partially responsible for that, I think a more accurate assesment would be that because I feel this way, I became Orthodox.

Let me see if I can make some coherent statements to make this make sense. And of course we all know I am no scholar so bear with me. What exactly do we know of the early church from scripture? About as much as we know about parenting. Oh wait, that's another blog. My point is that it really is not very specific about what a gathering of those young fresh faced Christians looked like. Acts does give us a picture of how their time together was often spent -- eating together, sharing communion, praying. I am not aware of any mention of witnessing in these instances. Rather, evangelism was something that took place outside of the coming together of the Christians. For some in their daily life, no doubt, and for others as their calling and I guess vocation. Relevance was absolutely a necessity and Paul was a fantastic example of this. But my point is that the place for convincing people that Christ was the Messiah was NOT the temple or synagogue nor was it the potluck over at Titicus and Ophelia's place. It was out there where the people were living their day to day lives.

I take no issue with engaging the culture and doing it as Mr. Steele would say "with excellence". I do have a problem, however, with bringing that into the worship service. The gathering of Christians together in what we now call church was for the sole purposes of praying, worshipping, and receiving the Holy Mysteries (communion). That, my friend, is no place for a car or a live animal or any other prop you may need to make your message relevant. Did you know that for many years in the early church, there was a point in the service where all who were not baptized had to leave? That's because what they were doing was that sacred. And it still is today.

I am bothered by the fact that we have become soooo consumed with the whole "Great Commission" idea that we let it take precedence over that for which He actually took on flesh -- the restoration of our relationship with Him. I don't know about you, but living a Christian life is often uncomfortable to say the very least. So why is it so important to make a visitor feel at ease? Surrendering our will and dying to ourselves is not an easy task. Becoming more like Christ is tough. Christianity is not for people who want to feel better about themselves. On the contrary, the harder you pursue Christ the more you can see how wretched you really are. I just don't think we are doing anyone any favors by making church relevant to their present circumstances or worse yet, fun. If anyone makes the choice to go to church because it's fun, something is amiss.

Now, I do have to say in defense of Steelehouse Productions and the Echo conference that after listening a few days later to Mark's keynote address I felt better about their position as it seemed more directed at artist's and their work in general rather than how it can be utilized within the church. Mostly it was one of their earlier guests and the subsequent website I visited that gave me the heebie-jeebies.

All I'm saying is this. As selfish as it sounds, Church is for the believers. Non believers are absolutely, positively welcome at any time. But we have no obligation or even reason to make the practice of our faith more palatable for those who are not enjoined with it. If we do, we are missing the point.

I'm wondering . . .

2008-08-23T09:57:00.001-07:00

Does God work miracles for those who have the faith because they have complete trust in Him or does He work them for those without faith in order to show Himself worthy of their trust? Are the people who need a bigger example of God the ones who get one?

Friday Fun

2008-08-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

So this is my other new thing. My intent is to share a little something each Friday that makes me grin, chuckle, or positively roll on the floor. (I hate those stupid text acronyms so you won't find them here.) You may not feel the same way, but you'll know a little more about me whether you like it or not. ; )

So I will kick things off with a clip from one of my new favorite shows. Although, technically, it's an old show but it's new to me. It's called Corner Gas and comes to us from our friends to the North. It currently runs on WGN Monday - Thursday at 9:00pm Pacific Time, so I'll let you figure out what time that is for you or just check your local listings. If you prefer a drier approach to humor you should check it out. I crack up at almost every episode. This is supposed to be the first scene ever and I think it gives a good representation of what you can expect. I hope you like it. And if not, well there's always next week.

Correction . . .

2008-08-21T07:08:00.000-07:00

In regards to what I said here -- it is not the annoying Mary Murphy after all, but rather the annoying Nancy freakin Grace that I think of every time I watch the diving events on the Olympics. Seriously, I do not know who the actual woman in the water cube is, but she sounds just like Nancy which in turn makes me think she must be one mean lady. What an unfortunate coincidence.

Wordless Wednesday

2008-08-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Trying something new...

2008-08-19T20:19:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I'm going to give this "Wordless Wednesday" thing a shot. Even though it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. And I'm stealing this from a friend who stole it from another friend and probably so on and so on. So stay tuned and maybe you'll see something cute or gross or funny or completely worthless. I make no promises that it will be good or even interesting. It will just be without words.

Daddy's Girl

2008-08-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Erik has a new blog and while he has not yet made it public, I couldn't resist sharing this most recent post. He is a total sucker for that little girl, but I have to admit it is pretty cute most of the time.

"The fateful day is fast approaching. I have faced this day with Quincy and I managed it well. But this time it is my baby girl. She's my Sugar-Bean and she's so small. She's not ready to go to school on her own. I know it's only for a half-day but I'm not going to be able to protect her from other kids that might hurt her feelings. Small kids are monsters. Truly they are monstrous. Kindergartners are the scariest kids of them all. They are aware enough of other children and they want to play, but they lack the refinement of polite society. My daughter loves me but she also tells me that I'm fat. They say stuff like that. My fear is that her classmates will say hurtful things to her. The worst part is that I am too old to justify insulting a five year old to get even. Quincy is all boy. He is physical and rowdy and he and his friends do a fair amount of smack-talking. Adelaide is sweet and dainty. She likes to be pretty. And she is shy around new kids. She needs me to protect her. Seriously, she sticks close to me when she is scared and I thrive on protecting her. When she is "out there", sharing air with all those other five year old monsters, I won't be able to protect her.

I totally identify with Marlin, the father of Nemo, in Finding Nemo. Addie is small. That is her "lucky fin". She doesn't see it as a liability but I do. All of us parents know that we have to let them go but what do we do to fill the void? She has been my companion while Quincy is at school. We run errands together and play "Punch Buggy" in the car. I am hearing the Tevia's refrain: "Sunrise, Sunset..."

Is it just me?

2008-08-16T17:50:00.000-07:00

. . . . or does the lady who commentates the Olympic diving remind anyone else of that annoying Mary Murphy chick on "So You Think You Can Dance?"

Definitely Better

2008-08-08T06:47:00.000-07:00

I know it may not look like it, but this dish turned out waaayyyy better than that last little adventure. I present to you the "Mighty Migas"! And let me tell you it really was easy (all prepared in one simple skillet, thank God) and quite tasty. It's a brunchy sort of tortilla, cheesy, eggy dish. I must say, though, that I'm a little perplexed by chorizo. I thought it was going to cook up like sausage but instead it seemed to virtually melt away as it was cooking which - having never cooked with it before - I don't know if that is supposed to happen or if I just got a lousy product. The flavor was still great I thought. (Erik didn't seem as impressed as I was.) I did leave out the 1.) jalapeno peppers because I am, after all, feeding children and b.) the avocado because I'm just not a fan.

So my hope is renewed. Now if I could just find the money and time to make more frequent efforts perhaps I will be ready to entertain in the next year or so. Who wants to be first?

Suh-wing annamisss . . .

2008-07-26T05:17:00.000-07:00

It looks simple enough right? And while it was technically edible, the process was ultimately comedic . . . either that tragic. Here is what I learned. A recipe that takes more than one page is a little iffy to begin with. One that requires manning 3 pots at once is just way out of my league. In fact, I think I now have a 2 pot rule. More than that and it's a no go.

The name of the dish is "Crispy Parmigiano-Crusted Chicken on Summer Lemon Pasta". See? You want some don't you? I mean how enticing is that? I even watched Rachael make this one and she made it all seem sooo easy that even I could make it. That little kitchen mynx!

I should have known things would not go well when we had to go to 2 or maybe 3 different stores just to acquire all of the necessary ingredients. Speaking of which, what the hell is the difference between scallions, chives, and green onions? I'm sure I can look it up somewhere here on the interweb, but I am at a loss at the grocery store every time. The actual cooking started off alright, but in the end the chicken was dry, the vegetables burned andthe cheese overcooked into little lumps infused with parsley and garlic. I forgot to roll the lemons on the counter before squeezing so they would give up no juice and I completely forgot to add the baby spinach that Erik had to go to freaking Whole Foods to get! Aaarrrgghh!

Oh well, I guess we will toss that one and try something else another day. I will not surrender!

That time of year again...

2008-07-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

So Milo, how did you like your first trip to the berry farm?

A little glimpse into our world . . .

2008-07-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Okay now what do I do

2008-07-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

So for whatever reason I came home tonight and decided to finally set up a Facebook profile. Seems like all the cool kids are doing it, so why not? I'll tell you why not! Because I have just whiled away ..... oh good Lord I don't even want to calculate how much time just piddling around searching for "friends". I have boxes yet to be unpacked, laundry piled up, dirty dishes, and crying babies but here I sit. Seriously. And what's worse is that I don't even get the point. What does one do with all those friends? Is this some kind of sick contest to see who can amass the most? Seriously. I think I may have been born a few .....or maybe 10 or 15 years to early to really fully enjoy this type of thing.

But hey, if you want another friend on your list you just let me know. I'm all over it.

I HATE MOVING!!!!!!

2008-06-24T00:08:00.000-07:00

This is day 2 for this outfit I am wearing(and will most likely sleep in -- again), the pig tails are on their 3rd straight day, and saddest -or perhaps most disturbing - is that I can't remember how many days it's been since my last shower. Tomorrow I have to be at work at 8:00am (after Erik and I make one more trip to the old apartment) and I don't have any idea what box has my clean underwear in it. We have no shower curtain so I'll have to pretend I'm 8 years old and wash my hair under the faucet I guess. Fortunately, I did locate my toothbrush, so I got that goin' for me.

Photos likely to follow once we get everything plugged back in.

Not a bad place to be stuck

2008-06-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

There is nothing like a little vacation time showing guests around to remind me of what a gorgeous place I live. My sister and her family came for a visit a couple of weeks ago and with only 2 days to give them their very first taste of Oregon, we hit the usual high points. I have never stopped appreciating the beauty of this locale, but seeing it with first timers who just could not come up with enough adjectives made it all fresh again. Although we may feel a little confused as to where our life is going at this point, at least we get to live in this lovely place as we try to sort it out and await further direction.

The Columbia River Gorge scenic highway.

Bridal Veil falls -- my personal favorite of the several falls we visited.

Timberline Lodge at Mt. Hood. This was taken the same day as the photos above - June 8 to be exact. And they got fresh snow just a couple of days later. Summer has been a long time coming this year.

Low tide at Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach.

Cape Meares just outside of Tillamook (where we watched them make cheese and then ate some yummy ice cream.)

Staying Put.

2008-06-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

Isn't there some little saying about how man makes his plans and God laughs?

Quincy's last day of school is this Friday and up until just a couple of months ago I had no doubt that at this point in time we would be packing up boxes and preparing for our semi cross country move to wherever it would be that Erik would be completing his doctorate, perhaps even with an extended visit with my family in Arkansas (because of course all of our financial woes would be over).

This is where you would cue the laughter.

I can say that now. Back in April we weren't taking it so lightly. Three schools, three states, three rejections. All the momentum we had going over the last 3 years came to a screeching halt as we struggled to just accept this new reality. For a very short time we danced with the idea of pursuing my career for awhile which included a potential move to Anchorage, AK. We realized in time, though, that would have been an impulsive move and would not alleviate any of our current stresses at all and in fact would likely add to any current depression what with an even darker winter than what we have here. In all honesty, my selfish hope was that this next step in our life would actually be a chance for me to step out of the work world at least for a while. My less selfish hope was that my husband would be one step closer to that niche where he can get paid for all the readin' and writin', and discussin' that he likes to spend his time on anyway. He loves his children, really he does, but truly he is not wired for the whole 'stay at home Dad' thing. I, on the other hand, would love to give it a shot but instead I am the one with the full time job. That's why I think we both took this so hard. Aside from the blow to Erik's confidence, I know that we both feel stuck in these roles/positions we would gladly trade out with one another and right now it's hard to see any way to make that happen. It is also really lousy to see someone you love so dearly and are so proud of and have every confidence in get knocked down like that when you have absolutely no ability to do anything to change it.

On the upside, we got the news somewhere in the midst of Lent so for me the continuing journey of our conversion to Orthodoxy brought me this window of joy and contentment during a very down time. If nothing else I can see staying here being worthwhile simply because of the new start we have had at St. Nicholas. We are by no means strangers in the congregation, but after being baptized and chrismated it was like all of our existing relationships went to a deeper level and a variety of new ones began. We have felt comfortable there all along, but all of sudden I now knew that we belonged. It would have been terribly difficult to leave so soon after.

So instead of moving to another state, we are instead moving to another apartment. It's not a big change, though -- same complex, even the same floorplan only the new one has a small loft area above the kitchen/dining room area. More important than additional space was a place where Q & A could stomp their feet freely. It bugs me a little that we are unable to offer our kids a yard to play in, but for now this will have to do.

I can't speak for Erik, but I know that I have now accepted this latest turn in our road. Not the route I had been planning on, but all I can really do at this point is trust that God does have our best interest at heart and He is somehow in control.

When He's done laughing, of course.

Milo vs. the cake

2008-06-07T05:55:00.000-07:00

I'm just not exactly sure who won......

I Stand Corrected

2008-05-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Last night Quincy's school had their end of the year open house. While reading one of his poems about dinosaurs I read the line "no dinosaur could fly".

Says me: "What about Teradactyls?"

Replies Quincy: "Mooomm. Teradactyls are Pterosaurs!"

Geez, parents can be such idiots sometimes.

Meet the family...

2008-05-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

Back in February I mentioned that we would be selecting saint names as part of our chrismation process. Just thought I'd post a little update to tell you "who" we are.....

St. Herman of Alaska

Erik initially was favoring St. Innocent, but was impressed more -at least I think - by the humble nature of St. Herman. He was a Russian monk who was one of the first missionaries to Alaska and beloved by the native people there. He built a school, and I think he helped develop a written language. And he defended the Aleut people against the frequent exploitation of the Russian fur traders. He was not necessarily highly educated and never aspired to "advance" in any sort of way. He lived a pretty solitary and ascetic life. He was not a priest, yet the people referred to him as "father" so that certainly speaks to his commitment to them. Overall, he was a good man and I think that really says it all.

St. Brigid of Ireland

After taking several weeks of my usual indecision and waffling and a last minute flirtation with Hermione, I finally settled comfortably with dear Brigid. While her hagiography is muddled with that of the Celtic Brigid, there are characteristics about her that stand through all the various legends and folklore. Primary was her generosity and compassion for the poor. There seemed to be a gentleness about her although she was also a woman of intelligence, committment, and strength. While Hermione seemed to share more of my actual personality traits - I was once described by someone as having "piss and vinegar" and Hermione seems to have had more than a fair amount of sass - Brigid is the one who, at the end of the day, I desire to emulate and grow to be more like. I desire her prayers for my growth and hope that one day those same qualities will be seen in me.

St. Basil the Great

Erik and I agreed that while we wanted the kids to have some say in their saint names, we did want to at least narrow down the options for them. For Quincy we both went immediately to the Church Fathers and various other theologian/scholarly types because - and I really don't want to sound like that incredibly annoying overly proud mother - but he really is a bright kid with a genuine thirst for knowledge and understanding. From there it was narrowed pretty quickly to the 3 Cappadocian Fathers -- Gregory the Theologian (of Nazianzus), Gregory of Nyssa, and his brother Basil. All great men, but after some discussion over what they all did, looking at their various icons, and assuring Quincy that Basil is not just an herb, this is who he chose. We were also quick to point out that he is the only one with "the Great" attached to his saint. Now when asked, he states his saint name with pride.

St. Anna

Okay, okay, I will admit that I had my preferences for who Addie should pick, but forced myself to go ahead and let her be involved in the process even though I knew that meant the decision would most likely come down to which icon had the most pink in it. I was really pulling for Hermione (it was only when Adelaide rejected her that she made her way over to my list), but there was also St. Helen who I was partial to because it was my grandmother's name. And I believe we also had Susannah and Sophia. While there were little details that she was quick to point out in each one, much to my surprise it was Anna that she kept coming back to as her favorite. We explained that she was the mother of Mary and a very special woman indeed to have raised a daughter worthy to be the bearer of God. Anna and her husband Joachim were very devout living simply and giving much of what they had to the poor and to the temple. They were also barren, though, and prayed for the miracle that Abraham and Sarah had received. When that prayer was answered through God, they devoted their precious daughter to God. The rest is, quite literally, history.

St. Jude

When Milo was born, we new there was a chance we would be heading down this Orthodox road so we went ahead and gave him a saint name at birth. A brother of Christ and one of the 12, we actually preferred the name based on the tradition of the Western Church. (The Eastern Church doesn't really do the "patron" thing.) In the west, St. Jude is recognized as the patron saint of lost or hopeless causes. The one who cares for those people and things that all others have abandoned. Yeah, that's a trait I would be happy to see in my boy.

And their ya have it.

Let the Music Play

2008-05-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm totally stealing this blog idea from Gayla and it was given to her from her friend Becky. I was intrigued by what it might say about me as an individual and I also thought it would be an easy post without too much thought. Turns out I was let down on both counts, but here it is anyway. The task at hand is simply to take a look at your top 10 most frequently played songs on iTunes. From my music library that currently contains 2651 songs, here are the ones played the most -- some to my dismay. I'm going in ascending order because I love a good countdown.

10. Just Like the Sun Laurie Berkner

9. Be Still My Child Ladysmith Black Mambazo

8. Banana Pancakes Jack Johnson

7. Inaudible Melodies Jack Johnson

6. Lullaby Take 6

5. Wonderful Pascal Parisot

4. Sleep, Little One, Sleep Kevin Locke

3. Do You Remember Jack Johnson

2. Nyanpi Matilda (Waltzing Matilda) Trevor Adamson

1. Closer to You Brandi Carlile

Now, I'm guessing that outside of the Jack Johnson tunes, most of you have no clue on who most of the rest of those artists are. Guess what. Neither do I. I have a fair amount of compilation CD's and that's where several of these came from. That and the fact that 6 of these songs are kid's music. Ya see, I don't actually own an iPod, but rather the Mac simply serves as our home sound system. And when I'm home so are the kids, so that's a lot of what we listen to. To my credit, though, I do try and at least keep their selection varied and interesting as you can hopefully tell.

Of course, once I got started on this little project I couldn't stop with just one list. Oh no, I've got to take it up a notch and break out some top 10's on my varied playlists (mostly to assure myself that I do listen to something other than children's music.) So here ya go. Read into and psychoanalyze it however you like.

Feelin' Folksy - 146 songs

10. Older Chests Damien Rice - when I first got my hands on his CD "O", I pretty much played the crap out of it . . . as if you couldn't tell.

9. The Professor Damien Rice

8. Cannonball Damien Rice

7. Amie Damien Rice

6. Beautiful World Colin Hay - yeah, it's the "Men at Work" guy doing some pretty good solo stuff

5. Untouchable Face Ani Difranco - I am no musician and I haven't listened to all of her stuff, but I think she is pretty freaking amazing.

4. The Blower's Daughter Damien Rice

3. Delicate Damien Rice

2. Both Hands Ani Difranco

1. Closer to You Brandi Carlile - I got this song as a free download on iTunes about 3 years ago before "Grey's Anatomy" and her hit "The Story". Her style falls into several different categories and that's my theory on why it is so high on the play count. It's a good song, just not what I expected to be at the top of the list.

Heather's playlist - 300 songs - my very first playlist created when Erik was the only one with iTunes. He's got good taste and all, but there's a lot of excess on his that I'm fine to overlook.

10. Question Old 97's - are they country? are they rock? adult contemporary? Whatever it is, they are just a fun, unique band that I really enjoy

9. You Didn't Kiss Me Marry Me Jane - A band from NYC that did the entire soundtrack of one of my favorite (but little seen) movies "If Lucy Fell". This is my fave song on it.

8. Moon on my Shoulder Lyle Lovett

7. Untouchable Face Ani Difranco

6. Creeps Like Me Lyle Lovett

5. Breakdown Jack Johnson - yeah, I love me some JJ. In my humble opinion, he can do virtually nothing wrong with a pen, paper, and guitar

4. Both Hands Ani Difranco

3. Banana Pancakes Jack Johnson

2. Do You Remember Jack Johnson

1. Closer to You Brandi Carlile (surprise!)

Kid Stuff - 117 songs - in case you are interested in broadening this category in your own home....

I enjoy world music and and found some great stuff on the Putamayo label where you will find most of the exotic names on this list.

10. Smile Laurie Berkner - Adelaide loooves this song

9. Bonjour, Bonjour L'autobus Avapeur

8. Mardi Gras Mambo Buckwheat Zydeco

7. Spirit Lullaby Sweet Honey in the Rock - not just kid's stuff. A fantastic group all on their own.

6. Just Like the Sun Laurie Berkner

5. Be Still My Child Ladysmith Black Mambazo - same goes for these folks as the "Sweet Honey in the Rock" ladies.

4. Lullaby Take 6

3. Wonderful Pascal Parisot

2. Sleep, Little One Sleep Kevin Locke

1. Nyanpi Matilda (Waltzing Matilda) Trevor Adamson

Sappy stuff - 69 songs - I know that some of these songs are actually kind of sad, but I say sappy is in the ear of the beholder. Mostly they are songs that for a variety of reasons make me think of my husband and smile.

10. Storybook Love The Willy Deville Acoustic Trio

9. Hallelujah Jeff Buckley

8. Bubble Toes Jack Johnson

7. Flake Jack Johnson

6. 100 Years Five for Fighting

5. Question Old 97's

4. You Didn't Kiss Me Marry Me Jane

3. The Blower's Daughter Damien Rice

2. Banana Pancakes Jack Johnson

1. Do You Remember Jack Johnson

Southern Goodness - 143 songs - I opted to leave this one a top 5 since 6-10 were all Lyle Lovett songs as well. It's hard not to love Mr. Lovett.

5. Penguins Lyle Lovett

4. Moon On My Shoulder Lyle Lovett

3. Adelaide Old 97's - the lyrics are pretty depressing, but it's quite lovely and melodic and how often am I going to find a good song with my daughter's name?

2. Creeps Like Me Lyle Lovett

1. Closer to You Brandi Carlile (Shocking!)

World - 207 songs - gosh Heather, so tell me what you think of the Gipsy Kings? Uh gee, just that they freakin' rock! I only have the one CD, though. Gotta do something about that.

5. Love and Liberte Gipsy Kings

4. No Volvere Gipsy Kings

3. Mi Corazon Gipsy Kings

2. Hace Tuto Guagua Familion

1. Un Amor Gipsy Kings

Worship - 57 songs - I actually haven't listened to this playlist in a while, but in looking at it, it's got some good stuff on it. Might need to re-visit soon.

5. Lord Let Your Glory Fall Rita Springer

4. Oh How You Love Me Rita Springer

3. Better Days Robbie Seay Band

2. I Receive Maranatha Alternative

1. I Love You Nickel and Dime

Soooo, what do your songs say about you or what do you have to say about your songs?

Culinary Idiocy

2008-05-13T07:06:00.001-07:00

Two nights ago, for what I believe to be the first time in nearly 10 years of being part of the "Young" family, I made dinner for my mother-in-law. As I may have mentioned on here a time or two before, cooking is not what you would call my forte but it is something I would really like to do better and over the past year have been making small gains in that area. My husband suggested it, and I was doing a recipe that had already gone well for me just a few short weeks ago. So here's my chance to impress the woman who grew up excelling in all things stereotypically feminine and has watched her son and grandchildren suffer through my fumblings.

I must mention here, though, that my m-i-l and I have a great relationship. She does not have an overbearing bone in her body and she is incredibly gracious when it comes to my domestic shortcomings to the point of never really even acknowledging them. This was really more about me proving something to myself and making my husband proud.

So it's a shrimp dish. We don't really eat seafood, but as it turned out, this recipe passed the Lenten test several weeks back which is why we even gave it a shot. A fortunate thing since it's actually quite tasty. I don't know why, but last time I had some prep time on my hands and thought to myself it might be nice to go ahead an remove the tails from the shrimp. The only times I have ever eaten it have been fried and as shrimp cocktails in which cases the tails have always remained on. But hey, I've got the time so what the heck. This time around, however, there was a bit more pressure (from myself) to pull it together in a timely manner so I pulled off as many as I could without delaying the entire preparation of the meal and then just carried on thinking all would be fine and we could eat around or pull off the tails on an 'as needed' basis. The recipe simply called for "peeled and deveined" which is what I had bought -- or so I thought. It was as the little suckers were cooking that I noticed a sort of thin shell shriveling and pulling away from the meat on several of them. I told myself quietly that it could be dealt with, but I think it was when I noticed some still had LEGS (!) that I started to panic just a little on the inside. I did my best to continue my peeling efforts as they cooked, but I'm sure you can imagine how that went. I quickly realized that I simply had to soldier on and hope for the best. (Meanwhile, I discovered that - for reasons I have yet to figure out - the rice in the other pan was simply not going to cook all the way down. Fabulous.) In the end I sucked up my pride and served up the meal with a heaping side dish of "my apologies" and a pile of napkins. True to her nature, my mother-in-law jumped in with a smile and peeled away and commented on how great the it tasted. (Damn you Rachael Ray and your tasty flavor combinations that will draw me in yet again to give this recipe another shot at some point in the future.)

So, the lesson learned here? Peel the freakin' shrimp, you idiot!

Almost forgot the eggs . . .

2008-05-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

And finally, after everyone has gone home and gotten a decent amount of sleep (everyone without small children, that is. I got about 2 1/2 hours) we gather once again in the afternoon for a very casual, very light hearted, very joyous, (and very short by Orthodox standards) vespers service. This is followed by another 'family' meal, this time hot dogs, sausages and other picnic fare. I think I enjoy this one even more since everyone is pretty much rested and relaxed after the very long service the night before. The kids, of course, have their egg hunt, there is music and drink and much, much laughter.

Not sure how many more years Quincy will do this, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts

For some reason, I always seem to be chasing the kids for this hence all of the shots from the rear. : (
Surveying her haul. This was Addie's best year yet. We've got candy to last until next year.

Pascha Vigil and Liturgy

2008-05-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

So after the Saturday morning liturgy - and baptisms and chrismations - we had a lovely (Lenten) luncheon at the parish hall. I had no idea the congratulations, hugs, well wishes, and even gifts we would be receiving. It was all so sweet and touching. At 3:00 we took our turn reading scripture over Christ's body. (Immediately following the Friday afternoon service where Christ's body is laid at the front of the church, a round the clock vigil begins with readings from Psalms and Acts. Parishioners sign up in 30 minute to 1 hour increments of time with breaks for various services. This continues up to Pascha.) We got home around 4:30 and I proceeded to begin baking about 6 dozen parmesan dinner rolls as well as a cake for the banquet that would take place after the Pascha Liturgy. This is the feast when we break our fast and it is as difficult as you can imagine to bake with the foods you are not yet allowed to eat and restrain yourself as the smell fills every square inch of your home. Brutal.

At 11:00pm we roused the kids enough to get them into the car and headed back to church. After some brief litanies every light in the church goes out and everyone lights the candles they are holding in their hands. The clergy and the choir then lead the way as we all head out into the night and process around the church singing something I can not recall at this moment. When we return to the closed doors of the darkened church, the gospel accounts of the women at the tomb are read and then Fr. George pounds on the door 3 times saying something that once again escapes me at this moment. When the doors open, the 'empty tomb' is all at once full of light and we go in full of joy and celebration. The change in mood is just remarkable and honestly I get choked up whenever I think of it. At that point the liturgy begins and goes on with random interjections from the priest of "Christ is Risen!" and the wholehearted response from the people that "Indeed He is Risen!" And usually 3 or 4 more languages follow.

It's usually around 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning when things wrap up and the feast begins. Fried chicken, ham, lamb, various cheesy side dishes and of course Amy's now famous 5 m&m salad. There is wine and laughter and more hugs and cards and gifts and the baskets! Oh my, the baskets. I do regret that I did not take my camera with me because the whole event truly is a sight to behold. Folks out grilling in the dead of night for one. But one of my favorites is always the tables full of Pascha baskets full of all sorts of things that have been given up throughout Lent and now brought to be blessed by the priest. Our godparents put together one big family basket for us and let me tell you, you have never had an Easter basket like this. Icons for 3 of us, toys for the kids, all sorts of chocolates and various candies, a large block of cheddar cheese, deli ham, a bottle of wine, kulich (a traditional Pascha sweet bread) and when was the last time you received whiskey for Easter? It was beautiful and so thoughtful and I really, really wish I had gotten a photo of it since it was disassembled in no time.

We arrived home around 4:30am. The kids - who slept in their Sunday school room for all of the Liturgy and were only awake for the food part of the night - slept in all the way until about 7:00. Yikes. The Easter bunny almost didn't get those baskets on the table in time and did have to make a return visit to hide the eggs while Dad was sleeping and the kids and I were having breakfast at Grandma and Grandpa's hotel. (Did I mention that my in-laws were also here for all the goings-on? Fortunately we all get along quite well and it was a treat to have them here.)

So it was a marathon of a day and night, but I wouldn't change a thing. It was beautiful, it was emotional, it was exhausting, and it was exhilirating. And I will never be the same again.

Addie and the wine

2008-05-01T11:35:00.001-07:00

Adelaide's reaction was so classic, she gets a post all to herself.

So far, so good . . . .

Uh-oh . . .

A little touch and go here . . .

Not only did she swallow it down, but she remembered to kiss the cup. I was really proud of her.

Communion

2008-05-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

And finally, we are able to partake of the Holy Mysteries.

Yay! It all stayed in his mouth!

Milo: "Oh, you have something for me to eat? Sure, no problem. Ya got any more?"

Chrismation

2008-05-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

The chrism is the most aromatic oil you will ever be anointed with. I have no idea what the reasons are for it, but I think there are several different herbs or essential oils or something in there and the fragrance is just gorgeous. The chrism is applied (in the sign of the cross, duh) on the forehead, eyes, nose, mouth, ears, chest, feet, and hands. With each cross the priest states "the seal and gift of the Holy Spirit". To be honest, I'm not sure we actually hit every one of those spots, but they were as thorough as they could be. Did I mention it was a 4 hour service and there is an aweful lot for a priest to remember?

You thought I was done?

2008-04-30T14:33:00.000-07:00

Are you kidding me? We started at 10:15 in the morning and I believe that when I sat down to eat lunch it was somewhere between 2:00 and 2:30. Milo actually took a nap in the parish hall for about an hour between the baptisms and chrismations. I share that because it means I came home with LOTS of pictures and even more to personally process. There is no way I could possibly share it all. In fact, there was so much to take in that I did exactly what I hoped to avoid and that is the blurring of the events. I actually missed some of the instruction/expanation prior to this portion as I had to run over and wake Milo up and bring him over. We read through some statements of faith -for lack of a better term - and then venerated the icon that has a very specific name and I can't remember it. What you can't see in the picture is the actual icon of Christ that is lying beneath the gospel book. Through the course of the services earlier in the week Christ is hung on the cross and later taken down to lie here in state. What you can see in the photo is one of my favorite icons (so far). The icon of the resurrection. I love that it is not at the tomb, but instead it is what was accomplished through the resurrection -- the conquering of death and redemption of man. Someday when I learn more specifics about this icon I'll share it. For now I will leave it at that lest I misspeak.

The Entrance

2008-04-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

In the early church there was a point in the liturgy where the catechumens had to leave. (Some churches still include the lines in their liturgy that says all catechumens must depart, but I don't think many actually enforce it.) So not only were they not allowed to partake of the holy mysteries, but they were not permitted to even stay in the building. In fact, it seems like I read somewhere that they did not enter the nave at all. Obviously, that is not the case in our church although with 3 small children, we certainly spend a good portion of our time in the narthex in case we need to make a quick exit.

What we do, though, is after our baptism, a quick change of clothes, and receiving our crosses we then process around the font 3 times (we looove the number 3 for hopefully obvious reasons) and then enter the nave. New. All the while, the parishioners all around us are singing over and over "As many as have been baptized in Christ have put on Christ. Alleluia." It is a lovely practice.

Next . . .

2008-04-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

The crosses purchased for each of us by our godparents have been blessed by Fr. George and before we officially enter the church, they each put them on for us. I felt just terrible when Adelaide's godmother missed this part as she was on an emergency errand for us that in hindsight wasn't really all that important. We recreated the moment later, though.

Funny story. See that ginormous one on the left? That's Erik's. He went big and asked for the Russian baptismal cross. Adelaide saw it on him later and commented that Daddy's cross was fat. She waited a brief moment before adding that that was okay, though, because Daddy was fat too. She calls it like she sees it I guess.

Crosses and oil . . . .

2008-04-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, the Orthodox are pretty big on oil and the sign of the cross. Here, before our baptisms, Fr. George prepares the water by making the sign of the cross with his hands and then with the oil. Then each of the catechumens are anointed with oil - always in the sign of the cross - on various parts of the body. Here it's the forehead and the feet. Of course there were specific prayers that accompanied all of these actions.

Holy Saturday

2008-04-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

" . . . . . then immediately he and all his family were baptized." Acts 16:33

Nervous

2008-04-25T21:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning at approximately 10:15am our family will be baptized, chrismated and received into the Orthodox Church. A short while after that we will take our first communion in about 3 years. Aside from all of the petty little logistics that I allow to rattle around in my mind and how things can go "technically" wrong, I am chewing on the profoundness of this moment. It may sound strange to someone outside of this, but for me this is an event near to that of a wedding. Even though I have been a practicing Christian for most of my life, this is what I believe I will look at as my conversion. The commitment is huge, not only to Christ but also to this specific body of believers who have opened their arms to us. Much like my wedding day, I just want to let go of the details and let the day take it's course whether Milo screams through his baptism or one of the older 2 resist putting their heads under the water or I just do something stupid. I want to take in every moment so it's not just a big blur when I look back on it. I want to honor those who have gone before me by not taking a single step or prayer lightly and embracing every second.

The 4 C's of my Chrismation

2008-04-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

Crosses, Clothing, Confession, and Communion. I know they are not the 4 horsemen of the apocolypse, but these are the things occupying virtually all of my brain - not too mention the effect they have on my anxiety level - over the next several days.

First the crosses. This one is pretty much under control now, but earlier this week, it was getting a little stressful. One of the responsibilities of our sponsors is to provide a cross for us at our baptism/chrismation. A lovely practice to be sure. However, in their efforts to be sure we are happy with the crosses we will hopefully have for a very long time as a sign of this huge committment, they invited us to help with the selection. Very thoughtful gesture, just not so great for this gal who absolutely loves a surprise and does not make decisions in any kind of a hurry. I was able to work a deal out with my godmother to just give her some ideas of what I do and do not like and let her go from there. Then I totally flaked on choosing Q and A's. When we did finally make a choice for Addie, it arrived and her godmother was nearly in tears with disappointment over the miniscule size and insisted it just wouldn't do. That was 2 days ago. What I didn't realize was that all crosses had to be given to the priest first so he could see them and bless them before our chrismations. So she was looking at a second order and overnight shipping charges. I felt terrible. The crisis was averted, though, by a quick trip to the Christian Supply store down the street from us where Adelaide selected something that was adequately "sparkly" and all was good again. It was about then that I realized that I had never gotten back to Quincy's godfather with an actual selection. I seemed to have a vague recollection of a conversation with someone, but even that was foggy. I was in a bit of a panic until I found out that it had all been taken care of and was already with Fr. George. I still feel bad for being so lazy and wishy-washy, but at least the end result is good.

Then there's the clothing. I knew this was coming. I could have taken care of it sooner. Did I? Of course not! In my small defense, it has been very busy at work never mind the daunting nature of going clothes shopping with 1 adult and 3 small children. Tell me you wouldn't procrastinate too. Anyway, our church does not do robes for baptism. The only requirement is white. This may sound picky, but in the early church they were doing this naked. Let's all be thankful they let that tradition go. So in my mind I have been taking a mental inventory of the kid's wardrobes and was pretty sure that Quincy had 1 white dress shirt and surely in the vastness of Adelaide's dresses there was at least one white one. And I seemed to remember getting something white for Milo in a bag of hand me downs. What I did not give a second thought to was what in the world Erik and I would wear. So this afternoon we are all home and this is our quest. Not to mention that we not only need something white that can get submerged in the water, but also something white to where after that for the remainder of the service. Pastels are acceptable also, but white is definitely preferred. By sundown tonight, my mission is to have all apparel secured for the entire Paschal weekend. Wish me luck.

Confession. Do I really need to explain why this is stressful? This has been one of my biggest hindrances in becoming Orthodox over the past 3 years. It absolutely terrifies me. But it has to be done. Graciously, they require all other members to complete their confessions earlier in Lent and reserve Holy Week strictly for the catechumens knowing full well, that it will likely be a lengthier process not only because of the volume of sins to confess, but also because it is a nerve wracking experience for those of us brand new to it. For those coming over from some type of liturgical experience perhaps not so much, but for folks like me . . . . . awkward to say the least. We have committed to Monday night. Erik, Quincy, and myself will be confessing individually while Milo and Adelaide get off scott free . . . for now. So that is the other thing we will be doing tonight is making our preparations for that. Again, wish us luck. Or better yet, say a prayer.

And finally, communion. Any stress regarding this stems solely from my own self centered insecurities. Most people joining the church are so eager with the anticipation of finally partaking of the Holy Mysteries, but no, not Heather. Heather is riddled with anxiety over making a mistake herself (I am a bona fide klutz) or having one of her children do so. It's not that I have problem with screwing up, I do it often enough. But when it comes to Holy Communion there are a few, uhhh, ramifications. Without opening a big bag of theological worms, I will simply say that when it comes to the bread and the wine, we Orthodox fall somewhere between the transubstantiating Catholics and the purely symbolic Evangelicals. This is waaayyy more than a commemoration, but it's not cannibalism. It's why we call the elements the "Holy Mysteries". We just can't truly explain it. However, if a crumb of bread or drop of wine falls to the floor, "technically" speaking we would have to burn that portion of the rug and cut a hole in the flooring. The priest could be suspended for a week since he is the one responsible. (We are served communion on a spoon from the priest.) We always have a cloth being held under the chalice just in case something should drop, but that's not really something one should rely on. Besides, a little cloth is not going to do the job when a 10 month old sees something shiny coming straight at him right there within his reach. Any mother out there knows exactly what I fear. That's why Erik is in charge of Milo's communion for a yet to be determined span of time. Then there's Quincy with the dining habits of a caveman. Food somehow just does not stay in his mouth. Never mind the reaction I know we're going to get from both Q and A when they taste the wine, no matter how much it is watered down. I am praying Adelaide doesn't just spit it out of her mouth. We've been building this up for awhile now, and I think the reality is that communion will lose some of it's lustre when they realize they have to take the wine with the bread. We'll cross that bridge in a few weeks. For now I just want to get through the first one.

I feel a little bad that this should be a time of excitement and anticipation and I lie awake some nights thinking where things will go wrong. Honestly I do feel an underlying joy throughout this process and I am completely thrilled to be joining this family. But the real world in which I live has all sorts of potential for disaster. So if you think of us this week say a prayer. I know many a "Lord have mercy" will be streaming from my tongue as well.

The Final Stretch

2008-04-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

38 days down. 9 more to go. Here is what those 9 remaining days look like.

Friday, 6:00pm - Liturgy of the Presanctified

Saturday, 9:30am - Divine Liturgy followed by work party to get everything cleaned up for the big sha-bang next weekend

5:00pm - Catechuman class

6:00pm - Vigil of the Palms

Sunday, 9:30am - Divine Liturgy (Palm Sunday)

Monday, 6:00pm Vigil

Tuesday, 6:00pm Liturgy of the Presanctified

Wednesday, 7:00pm Vigil and Unction

Thursday, 5:00pm Vesperal Divine Liturgy

7:00pm Vigil

Friday, 2:00pm Vespers of the Burial of Christ; Vigil at the Tomb

7:00pm Vigil

Saturday, 10:15am Baptisms

11:00am Vesperal Divine Liturgy and Chrismations

11:30pm Paschal Vigil

Sunday, Pascha!! The Feast of Feasts!

12:00AM Festal Matins, Divine Liturgy, Banquet

1:00pm Paschal Vespers, Egg hunt, Barbecue

I couldn't really tell you what each of those services is for, but if I can work out a variety of childcare arrangements, I will let you know some time next month. Some may say we go a little over the top this time of year and they may be right. I believe one of our "cradle" orthodox members was once asked why there are so many different things observed not only during Holy Week, but even throughout the entire year. His response was simple. In his thick Slavic accent he replied, "bee-cose, vee don't fordget noe-ting." The resurrection is huge, and that's what all of this is leading to, but ya can't just jump right into it or you will certainly shortchange yourself on it's full impact. There was a lot more going on before it happened. Things Jesus was trying to say and show and get across to these everyday fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, and Joe Schmoes like you and me. Throughout Great Lent we commemorate a variety of very specific events from history, all pointing to that glorious event, but this week we do it all. We do our best to walk their road. Not His, but those who were there with Him. We may not know the sound of his human voice, the smell of his hair, or the actual touch of divinity's scarred and calloused skin, but this week we will do the best we are able to re-member ourselves with those who did.

An overdue taste of Spring

2008-04-12T23:38:00.000-07:00

After endless days of clouds, cold temperatures, rain, (and even SNOW over spring break!), I would say we here in the NW deserved the glorious respite we received this weekend.

An Unexpected Side Effect of Lent

2008-04-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

The following definitely falls in the category of too much information. Proceed with caution.

Lent makes you gassy.

It seems to have subsided somewhat at this point, but for the first 2 weeks our whole family was becoming quite, how shall I say, musical as well as aromatic. (Everyone was farting a LOT.) Oddly enough, the actual, again searching for the proper words here , output? was in decline. (We were pooping less.)

I think I knew at least that when we stopped eating meat it would have some kind of impact on our digestive systems, but I really didn't have any idea exactly how. And I certainly didn't realize that it would be so smelly. In fact, I think I instead anticipated that all systems would become more, I don't know, civilized? Although, when I think a little more about it, I remember that our vegan friend Kat used to fart all over the place at work. She admitted that she regularly would drop her little bombs in the back corner of the warehouse or the sleeping bag department if she had to stay on the sales floor.

We are an 'open' family when it comes to these type of things, so it's no big deal to just let things flow when at home, but I've got to admit getting through an 8 hour shift at work . . . . well that's another story. Not for Erik so much since he has no shame . . . or maybe it's pride. Whatever.

Anyway, all that just to say if you ever consider becoming Orthodox (or just a hippie) consider all of the ramifications on your personal and social life.

Ow.

2008-04-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

(Warning: This post rambles. I wrote it several weeks ago and have been trying to find time to clean it up and find an actual link to the music, but the time is not coming and now it's been over a month since my last writing. So I'm not re-reading it and just throwing it out there instead. My apologies.)

Forgiveness hurts.

Seriously.

Last month, the Lenten season began with the Rite of Forgiveness. This is the Sunday that comes every year when everyone in the church both gives and receives forgiveness from everyone else there. It is a beautiful and meaningful tradition. It is also a ritual that demands more than a fair amount of physical strength and stamina.

I observed the ritual 2 years ago and it moved me to tears. Last year was Erik's turn to see what it was about and this year we actually participated for the first time. Basically what happens is you move down a line of people greeting each one first with the sign of the cross. You then simultaneously say "Forgive me" (insert name or simply say "brother" or "sister") and make a bow or full prostration -- that would be taking the forehead all the way to the floor -- taking care not to bump heads as you do so. As you rise you say "May God forgive us all" and exchange the kiss of peace. That's 2 or 3 kisses to the cheek depending on ethnic background or possible just personal choice. I'm really not sure. When you get to the end of the line you simply turn then and take your place at the end until everyone has been through the process.

Are you getting the visual of that? Greet, cross, bow, kiss. In fact, you may want to take a moment and try it yourself to get a good feel for it. Be sure and do the full prostration too, because although that is not required, there is no way you are going to simply bow your head when that little 4' 10" grandma from the old country is going all the way down each time. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now add a 20 lb weight to your body (I had Milo in a front pack) and do it about 99 more times.

Yeah. Feel the burn.

I had to remind myself midway through to switch legs when standing back up since my right one was already getting shaky. Milo went along with me quite contentedly and got lots of extra kisses along the way.

Now, aside from the physical demands of this tradition it has the potential to be equally taxing on a spiritual and emotional level. Admittedly, at this point in time there is no one in the parish that has personally offended me and to my knowledge there is no one who has taken issue with me. However, there are people in my life who I have certainly thought and spoken ill of. There are things I have said and done for which I definitely need forgiveness. As Fr. George once said, this is not just about forgiveness of personal wrongs, but overall for the "schlocky" things we have done throughout the year. But that does not exclude the fact that there will be times when we have in fact wounded our own brothers and sisters because we are sinners. And Forgiveness Sunday is your opportunity to suck it up, lay it out there, clean the slate and move on.

This includes everyone, too. I think that is one of the things that struck me so profoundly the first time I watched this. Elderly, teens, and little ones. Men and women. Clergy and laity - in fact, the priest leads off with his family first. It is truly an amazing thing to observe and be a part of.

What struck me this year, though, was the overall mood of the event. I don't even recall the music from the first time I witnessed it, but the tone just felt quite somber. Forgiveness is a serious thing and a humbling thing and remember this was the year where there was out in the open conflict going on. It seemed, though, that people were truly facing up to it. This year, though, I was surprised to find that as I watched the beginnings and then joined in myself, the tone of the whole event was actually quite jovial and it surprised me. There were smiles, hugs, and even some laughter. All the while with the choir singing one of my new favorite hymns for this season called "The Angel Cried". (I'm finding that most hymns are quite simply named after their first line.) I think it loses some of it's impact when you can't hear it, but Frederica Mathewes-Green describes it as glorious and exultant with a melody that is bright, brisk, and joyous. It reminds us that although we are just at the beginning of Lent, Jerusalem and the resurrection are where we are headed. Here are the lyrics. (Don't you just hate when people post lyrics in their blogs?) Yeah, well here they are anyway.

The angel cried to the Lady full of grace,
"Rejoice, rejoice, O pure Virgin!
Again I say, rejoice!
Your son is risen from his three days in the tomb.
With himself he has raised all the dead.
Rejoice, rejoice, O ye people!
Shine! Shine! Shine, O new Jerusalem!
The glory of the Lord has shone on you.
Exult now, exult and be glad, O Zion.
Be radiant, O pure Theotokos,
In the Resurrection,
The Resurrection of your Son."

May God forgive us all.

My name is Heather and I'm an Orthodox Christian

2008-02-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

Sponsors. Every time I hear that, I feel like I'm joining some kind of 12 step group. They are also known as godparents which is, in my opinion, way cooler. Because, you know, one day I may need a favor . . . oh wait, it's not that kind of godparent.

I'm not sure exactly why they use the term sponsor, but my understanding of the role thus far is that they are someone who stands with you through the catechumen/chrismation process kind of holding your hand as you become Orthodox. Because we are joining at Pascha, we will walk through Great Lent leading up to it and they will journey through with us. Each Sunday during Lent there is a prayer said for the catechumens at which point our sponsors will come along side us as it is said. There is also a fairly strict fast and a wide variety of services and practices that they can kind of walk us through. As a "sponsor" they basically can answer questions and help us gain a better understanding for what is happening.

But for the rest of our lives, they will remain our "godparents', and to my understanding that role is just as it sounds -- a spiritual mother or father. There are no rules about what this relationship looks like, but we have observed a few of them and for many it does seem to be a genuine commitment on both parts. The godparents are a part of family celebrations/holidays including the newly added "name" day (commemoration of your saint name). They are also a source of prayer support and spiritual guidance. I also think they have a responsibility to bring it to our attention should we wander off our path. I certainly hope it is not a role anyone takes lightly.

While to a certain extent we are able to choose our godparents, they do have to be run by our priest first and of course they have to be willing to accept. I don't know that it is required throught all churches to involve the priest in the choice, but the reason for it here is primarily to be sure for one thing, that no one is overburdened with too many god children thereby making it very difficult for them to give adequate attention to each. Our priests wife, a terribly sweet and caring lady, has about 14. No one is allowed to request her anymore. More importantly, though, Fr. George knows his people. He has been with this parish for many years and he knows a LOT that we don't such as their spiritual condition and their ability to set an adequate example and be a true "parent".

Finding female options has not been a problem. (Each family member is to have 1 same gender godparent.) I have been attending pretty regularly for at least 2 years and have gotten to know at least a handful of different women. Figuring out men to ask turned out to be a little more difficult, but we managed to come up with 4 men and 4 women to run by Fr. George. I think he took one off of each of our lists and was open to discuss his reasons for it, which we appreciated. We trust him a lot - which, on a side note is actually quite surprising as there was a point in my life I was pretty certain I would never again trust any type of pastor/church leader type - so we were cool with his opinion. So that leaves us with 3 men to ask and we have 3 men in the family so that has now become a matter of matching up and then asking. Adelaide was the easy one. "Miss Lori" has been acting as a godparent in her life almost since the day we met, so that was just a matter of getting Fr. Georges okay which was no problem at all. That means I am now trying to determine which of the final 2 women would be best for me.

So we got that far in the process about 3 weeks ago and I have been at a standstill ever since. Really, what are the things one needs or should look for when making this choice? I have long desired and hoped for some type of "spiritual mother" in my life and it just has never happened. Now I have the opportunity to actually choose one, but it's not for a 6 week mentoring program or "Secret Sister" event. It's the rest of my life. Choose wisely, right? What I have come down to in this process is now this. The young mother/peer or the older, perhaps less personally connected woman. One is the wife of our Deacon (who we are planning to ask to be godfather of one of our boys), has 2 young children, and I believe is a convert as well. I would guess her to be in her early 30's, but really am not certain. She was the first person to make me feel welcome in the church by offering me and the kids some blessed bread on our first visit there. The other woman, in contrast, I have only known a very short time, but have been terribly impressed by her devotion to worship as well as her pursuit of wisdom and understanding. She is the kid's new Sunday School teacher and does an absolutely fantastic job with them. Her own kids are grown and she is also a convert. So part of me wants to ask the young mom, because we seem to be at the same stage in life and she could potentially help me walk through the raising of my kids in this faith tradition that is as new to me as it is to them. I guess I am hoping that there would be a friendship in addition to the spiritual relationship. With the other I envision the older, wiser, experienced mentor type person who has been where I am and can speak from so much experience. Also, without kids at home, maybe she would actually have more time for me since I know I will eternally have questions. Selfish, I know, but I call it like I see it.

I love that this is a part of the process and that the church has set things up this way. I just have to get past my fear of screwing things up.

Say hello to "spud"

2008-02-14T14:38:00.000-08:00

I don't know that I have posted many pics of Milo, but for those who knew my 2 older children in their infancy, we are in a whole new league with this one. I'll just say this -- 8 months, 20 pounds. Holy flippin' cow. And as you can tell, the hair has a mind of it's own.

I must be doing something right

2008-02-13T20:18:00.000-08:00

If my family is willing to buy me new fancy pants cookware, I can only guess that means some of the meals over the past few months have been worthwhile. (Of course, according to my kids it's all thanks to Rachael Ray) Who would ever have thought this day would come where not only would I be cooking decent food, but that I would be thrilled to receive a spankin' new pan for my birthday.

For what it's worth

2008-02-11T20:36:00.001-08:00

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Hmmm. . .

2008-02-10T13:31:00.000-08:00

Three days ago I bought a pair of (dirt cheap) cross country skis. I wonder if this means that subliminally I'm pulling for Wisconsin in the race of where do we go next? Can't imagine they'll get much use in Arizona.

What's in a name?

2008-02-03T20:16:00.000-08:00

So one of our first orders of business for this Chrismation business is "Christian" names for nearly all of us. This is to be the name of an Orthodox saint and it is what will always be used when receiving Holy Communion. (You also will then have a "name" day at which time you may receive cards, well wishes, or a special lunch, but that's just a bonus.) For those who are born Orthodox, the name is given at that time but for us converts, well, we get to choose our own which is kinda cool, I think. Technically, I don't need one because my middle name is Ruth and short of someone like Jezebel, if it's in scripture you are good to go. However, I feel like I want to explore what options are out there and see if there might be someone that suits me better.

There are no hard and fast rules on the criteria for choosing a saint name. Many of the "cradle orthodox" names given at birth are chosen simply because they are the ones commemorated on or near the child's birth date. Quincy's friend Nikki has a birthday in December and the St. Nicholas feast day is Dec. 6th. Or one could choose a name based on meaning much like we already do when choosing birth names. It could be someone you feel some sort of kindred connection to or perhaps admire or aspire to emulate. Lots to consider.

The boys names are coming along nicely. Erik is drawn to a few of the Alaskan saints after completing his Masters thesis on the Orthodox missions there. Quincy has shown a certain propensity towards academic pursuits, so I think we are going to let him choose from a short list of early church fathers/theologians. Milo's middle name is Jude which was actually chosen
for the saint so he has been all set since birth. Which brings us to me and Adelaide. Instead of narrowing down the choices, the list just seems to be growing longer each day. I've been digging all over the internet and brought home 3 or 4 books from church today. My hope is to find someone who either I identify with on a personal level or aspire to. The desert mothers are impressive, but the whole hermit/reclusive live in a cave type doesn't really resonate with me nor suit my daughter's personality. I'm also weird about martyrs. Not totally against it, but I would just like for there to be more to the story than that. I mean no disrespect. And of course my totally lame considerations would be when their feast day is and what the icon looks like. I'm just being honest.

Here's what we have so far. Feel free to weigh in.

Helen - my maternal grandmother's name that I sometimes regret not using when Adelaide was born. Saint wise, there are more than one, but the most commonly known is Helena, the mother of Constantine who was a fairly strong woman known for building many churches in the Roman empire as well as seeking out the relics of the "true" cross. Feast day is May 21 and shared with her son.

Brigid - a.) she's Irish. I may not have the red hair and porcelain skin, but there is a fair amount of Irish in my family tree so that is meaningful to me. b.) she was incredibly generous which is a trait I can respect and aspire to. c.) she's got her own cross -- shallow reason, I know, but ya gotta admit it's pretty cool especially since I have a small collection of cross pendants as well as several on our dining room wall. Feast day is Feb. 1.

Hilda -- also Irish and known throughout western Europe for her wisdom. Started a well known monastery for both monks and nuns. Died peacefully. She comes across to me as strong, bold, yet humble and gracious at the same time. Then again, do I really want to hear the name Hilda every Sunday? Feast day is Nov. 17.

Susanna - one of the Myrrh-bearing women - those who were present at the cross. I have grown to love the fact that as my friend Lyn always said, "women were the last at the cross and the first at the tomb". There is very little info available about Susanna, but I have great admiration for all of these women and just can't bring myself to choose "Mary". Feast day is second Sunday after Pascha.

Sophia - the name means "wisdom" which is something I desperately need every day of my life. Again, as with many of these names there are more than one. Today I was reading about Sophia "Our Holy Mother" and here are a few things that really caught my attention. "Sophia lived the busy life of an ordinary woman. She was the mistress of a household, a wife, and the mother of six children. . . . Nevertheless, the noise and confusion of the world around Sophia did not prevent her from living a life which was 'pleasing to God'. Hers was at the same time an ordinary life and holy." Although she was widowed and saw all of her children die, she went on to become an incredibly generous woman. Feast day is June 4.

I'm sure I will find more as I read through some books over the next few days. Say a prayer for clarity of mind as I muddle through this over the next few days/weeks.

Diving in

2008-01-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

Well, after 3 years of should we or shouldn't we, we have finally made the decision to officially convert to Orthodoxy. So this year our Lenten/Pascha (Easter) season will end with our entire family being baptized, chrismated, and received into holy communion at St. Nicholas Orthodox Church where we have been "inquirers" since shortly after our arrival here in Portland. It is truly a beautiful community of people who we have grown to love and appreciate. They have brought healing to our hearts without even knowing that we needed it. It just seemed right this year that we become a full part of this community even though we may be leaving come fall.

There are a number of little things to be done along the way so stay tuned. I promise to do my very best at keeping this more updated. First up - saints and sponsors. More to come . . . .

It Is Finished . . . sort of

2007-12-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

When we began this journey to the MA, it was actually an MDiv and it was at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, TX. Erik was a full time associate pastor, and I was an event coordinator at an office building downtown. Shortly after enrolling, we found out that we were pregnant with our 2nd child. About the same time we learned that I was about to be laid off. Fortunately, I was able to line something else up right away so we did not miss a paycheck beat. Unfortunately, while I was on maternity leave they decided they did not want me back. We tightened the belt strap and soldiered on. At the beginning of the new year, Erik's job - how shall we say - went away. School was put on hold. We dragged our sorry butts back to retail and began to explore our options outside of Texas which landed us in our current location. And then we had another kid. So 2 pregnancies, 5 jobs, and 1 relocation later, we finally have degree in hand. Until I looked back, I didn't really realize what a long road this has been. Can't wait to see what happens in the course of the next one.

Sorry the picture is sideways. I'll have to sort that one out later.

Greetings from Illinois

2007-11-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, here we are vacationing in scenic Kankakee, IL. It just doesn't get more exotic than that, does it? Yes, I know you are fighting a jealous rage right now, but try to gain some control. Actually, we are in Bourbonnais, but Kankakee is just down the road and it's much more fun to say. And just in case it matters, that is about 60 miles south of Chicago.

The purpose of our stay here is a.) to visit the grandparents who returned to this city of my husband's birth after 20 some odd years away and 2.) it happens to be homecoming at Olivet Nazarene University where Erik graduated from in '94. Not a reunion year for him, but hopefully we will run into a few old friends while here.
The bonus is that this is also where Erik and I actually met so it actually holds a good amount of sentimentality for me as well. Yesterday we took the kids to the mall and into the store where I was the manager and Erik was one of my first employees. We drove by what used to be "John's Pub", the dive where we would shoot pool many a night while Erik slowly worked up the nerve to share his true feelings for me. Then over to the house on Monroe Street to show the kids where Daddy lived when he was their age and down to the river where he would ride his bike and go exploring all day long in a more innocent time. And of course to the University where Dad and Grandma and Grandpa all graduated. The weather has been gorgeous and it has been a lovely time so far.

I told Erik yesterday that I really am grateful to have our families in such wonderful places to take our kids to visit. My parents, of course, have the farm in Arkansas. While I wouldn't consider my kids 'city' by any means, true farm life is not something that many of their friends will ever experience or understand. I'm glad that my children get a chance to know a much slower pace and visit somewhere where they can go outside first thing in the morning and not have to tell me where they are going, what they'll be doing, or when they will be back. They don't need to look at a clock because there is no schedule or agenda.

When my in-laws were still in Dallas, we did not go back to visit at all. And to be honest, I can't imagine my kids having nearly as much fun there. As we walked down the trail that begins practically from my in-laws back deck and winds through a meadow by the river and to a little playground, I told Erik I feel like I'm in a John Mellencamp video. The houses in the neighborhood are older but incredibly well kept. Most of the people are unpretentious with a style that has hints of late 80's and early 90's. At the same time there is a good sized University just down the street so it's not like some back woods intellectual black hole or anything. In fact, I feel like it is just what one would think of when we reference a "good Midwestern upbringing". There is a comfort that I feel here that I didn't really expect, but think I deeply needed.

Perhaps in some ways, you actually can go back.

HELP!

2007-09-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Okay all of you professionally trained elementary educators, and mothers of small children who are older than mine. I have a 6 year old who can not tie his shoes and I have no idea where to even begin. I am soliciting any and all tips, tricks, rhymes, songs, whatever you've got to help us accomplish this goal.

Baby cryin'. Gotta go.

Like winning the freakin' lottery . . .

2007-09-08T21:48:00.000-07:00

That's pretty much how I feel every time I go grocery shopping these days. I go to any grocery store I please. If I'm doing the full blown shopping, (including my fancy pants Rachael Ray ingredients)I head to New Seasons where they specialize in not only organic products, but local as well. If it's a short list or I just don't have much time, I head just down the street to Safeway. Or if I want to just grab something I can just heat up at home, we swing by Trader Joesfor something like Buffalo Burgers. I don't give more than a fleeting thought to price, and I honestly can't remember my last trip to Winco. Almost everything is organic, from potatoes to cereal to packaged taco seasoning. This weekend I purchased a 2lb. flank steak for about $25.00. Holy cow!! I feel so gashed darn high falutin'.

And then it's time to pay. With as much confidence as I can muster I present my "Oregon Trail" card . . . . which is what food stamps look like these days. It kind of allows you to maintain some sort of dignity since it processes like a credit card. But you do have to specify to the cashier how you are paying so they can push their special little button so I always feel just a little bit awkward. And then I am often overcome with this urge to start explaining. First, I think I should explain/defend my clothing. I wonder if people think I am cheating the system because they see that I have a Timbuk2 diaper bag, Prana clothing, and Chaco sandals. I feel like I should explain that I'm able to score some massive deals where I work and that I promise I didn't pay anywhere near full price for any of it. I want to tell them that I do have a job as does my husband (while a full time grad student) and that I promise I did not have this child to get more money. I want to explain that this is temporary and that sometimes we all just need a little help. Most of the time I hope they respect my choice to spend my "government handout" on healthier choices for me and my family. I had no control over what our monthly amount to spend would be and it can only be spent on food. Because it affords me the opportunity to frequent the higher end grocers does that mean that we have been awarded too much? Or does it mean that everyone should at least have the option to make these choices? I want to explain so much even though I know I don't have to just like no one has to explain themselves to me.

I have learned a lot over the past few years about what "poverty" can look like (according to the federal government I live in it although I am still not convinced) and that you truly never know what anyone's situation is despite outward appearances. Maybe someday I will actually learn see the world around me the way I hope that they see me.

Hello First Grade

2007-09-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

Wow. A first grader. Wierd.

I have to admit this year was actually harder than Kindergarten last year, at least for me. Although Quincy is having challenges of his own since Oregon is one of the few states I believe who still offer half day kindergarten. That means that this is our first year of being at school all day. Quincy is not that thrilled with that fact as it is really cutting into his playin' around time.

It's been hard on mom because the last few weeks have been a little bumpy for Q and I. It would seem that I am already losing my little boy and I'm just not ready for that. But that's not what this post is about. It's about my boy's brave first day in the first grade.

We had an orientation night the week before so he had already met his teacher, knew where the classroom was as well as his desk. Once he got his jacket off, backpack put away and started on his coloring, he looked up and with a wave said "bye mom, see ya later". He has never been one to cling too much although he is usually nervous in new situations. At the end of the day, we went with our neighbor Izzy - who just started Kindergarten - to Cold Stone Creamery for some first day celebratory ice cream.

All in all, a pretty good start.

Here are a few obligatory photos.

Farewell Summer

2007-09-04T21:03:00.000-07:00

I like living in a place where school starts after Labor Day. I also like living in a place that experiences 4 distinct seasons that largely correspond with their start and end dates on the calendar. There seems to be this large communal deep breath as we all take in the last bits of summer over Labor Day weekend. Even the folks without kids are winding down their summer travels, camping trips, etc. And those of us with (school age) kids are of course enjoying our last hurrah before going back to that educational grind. The days here are growing a little milder and a little breezier and a lot shorter. Some of the leaves are even starting to change. So instead of just one more sweltering day, Labor Day was actually a perfect day for a family trip to the zoo. The only condition we imposed on ourselves was that we would go first thing in the morning since lots of other people would have the same idea. We arrived around 9:15am and had a really nice time. By 12:30 or 1:00, the kids had had their fill and we headed out just as it began to really get crowded and a little warmer. The timing really was perfect.

Here are some pics to commemorate the Young family's last 'unofficial' day of summer 2007.

The sea lions and sea otters at "Stellar Cove" are a mandatory stop for me.

Betcha didn't know how important it is to keep your volcanic peaks adequately hydrated.

Yeah, when the kids faces look like that, it's time to go.

It's an eagle's nest. Get it? They're being eagles. Humor them.

Triple Onion Soup with Triple Cheese Toast

2007-08-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

I adore French Onion soup, so I was anxious to try this one. At least until I read through the ingredients list and discovered leeks and shallots. I'm guessing I can find these things in produce, but outside of that I have no clue. Fortunately, Erik did the shopping that day and he was able to track them down.

I have accepted the fact that I can not do what Rachael Ray does in 30 minutes, which is how long every recipe in this book is supposed to take including all the slicing and dicing. Whatever. I began chopping at 5:00. I believe we sat down to eat around 6:45.

What Rachael fails to take into consideration is how many times the 4 year old will stand outside your 2nd floor apartment window calling out "mo-om!" or how many times the baby will drop his plug out of his mouth and begin wailing in distress.

I did not get off to a good start when I thought it would be fine to just go ahead and drop the butter into the soup pot first. As my butter began to burn, I realized that she actually had a reason for telling me to put the olive oil in first and then "add" the butter. Point taken.

And then there were the leeks. I have begun to allow additional time to look up further info on the internet and this was one of those times. The instructions said simply to cut into "half moons", wash, and drain. Huh???? I tried to find pictures or further instruction online but to no avail. I will say this in hindsight. It would be fine without the silly leeks. Double onion is just fine with me.

Oh yeah, the prep time was also extended when I realized that my crusty bread purchased a few days ago had become far too crusty and my husband had eaten most of it anyway, so I had to place a quick call to him at work that he would be dashing out to the store for more bread as soon as he got home.

So overall, not what one would call smooth, but it did taste pretty good even with the 2 extra cups of broth I added. I won't even go into that.

Just thought I'd share a little bit of the comic stylings of Heather in the kitchen. Believe it or not, I'm making progress.

When God was handing out taste in feminine literature, I must have gone to pee. . . .

2007-08-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. I am not proud of it and must admit it makes me feel somewhat incomplete as a woman.

I have never read a Jane Austen novel.

I haven't even seen any of the movies. I tried to once in my mid 20's but honestly I can't even remember which book it was. That's how disinterested I was. I just feel so inadequate and just generally unhip whenever people start talking all Mr. Darcy and Emma and whatnot.

But recently while at our public library, I actually left the children's area and wandered into adult fiction where I stumbled across Miss Jane's portion of the shelf. I thought to myself that perhaps I should give it another go, but I really don't know where to start.

This is where you come in dear readers. I know there aren't many of you, but I do know that you are primarily well read women. Where should a Jane Austen virgin begin? Maybe something without too many characters to keep up with? Should I brush up on English propriety of that era? (See, I don't even know what era she wrote in.) Or have I passed my Jane Austen prime now that I am solidly in my late 30's and rapidly approaching the next decade?

Any and all comments/advice are appreciated.

p.s. I did come home with an Elizabeth Berg tome, so I am not completely hopeless. Just lacking when it comes to the classics.

My new friend . . . and future enemy

2007-08-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

Since being on maternity leave (not vacation as some of my co-workers believe) I have indulged a bit in one of my guilty pleasures. Daytime TV. I believe it was with my first child that I discovered "Trading Spaces" and with my second there was my afternoon getaway with Samantha Brown on "Great Hotels". Now we are back to basic cable so my options have been a bit limited. But I decided to give this little Rachael Ray gal a go and see what the big deal was and if she could help at all with my, ummmm, disorder. Well, I was sucked in enough to track down one of her cookbooks at the library and let me tell you, it has been quite a good time. I have prepared a meal for my family at least twice and sometimes 3 times a week. Even had friends over to join us. Erik has even taken seconds of a few things, which is one of my measures of true success.

I think what I like is that Rachael comes the closest to presenting a recipe in a manner that doesn't make me start twitching before it's all done. She does throw in random ingredients that I have no idea what they actually are, much less where to find them. (I have yet to locate a can of smoked paprika anywhere.) She also tends to rather high end ingredients. I think I've made 3 recipes with Gruyere cheese, which I do love, but it does not come cheap. The good news is that our grocery budget has recently been expanded - I may do a separate post about that - but it is a temporary situation. Eventually, the carriage will turn back into a pumpkin and I won't be able to afford her anymore, which means I will have no option but to hate her.

But until then, we're eatin' gooooood!

Prayer and perspective

2007-08-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, folks will ask what is so different about Orthodoxy or what it is that I get out of it. I often find myself using the word "perspective". It is not that it has changed my beliefs, but rather has taken me on this walk to view and experience my faith from a different angle. I have this mental picture of actually walking around the perimeter of something and then stopping to look and realizing that from that particular vantage point the same thing looks very different. The object doesn't change, but my perspective does.

Case in point, prayer. Most of the praying I have known in my life involved claiming God's promises, speaking boldly (and sometimes loudly)about your requests and needs as well as your worship and adoration. It wasn't necessarily greedy self-centered prayers just very direct and audible and "me" based.

Now for a little different perspective. These are some excerpts from a series of books by Fr. Thomas Hopko entitled "The Orthodox Faith" specifically regarding prayer.
"Sometimes prayer is defined as a dialogue with God."

So far so good. This is just what I have always been taught and believed. But it goes on with the following.

"This definition is sufficient if we remember that it is a dialogue of silence, carried on in the silence of our hearts."

Whoah, there's a twist. A couple of paragraphs later it even says that

"Saying prayers is not the same as praying. Prayer should be done secretly, briefly, regularly, without many words, with trust in God that he hears, and with the willingness to do what God shows us to do."

Now that is almost a world apart from what I have known . . . up to now at least. But the thing is, it's still prayer as communicating with God, but it is a different way to look at the purpose and practice of it. I don't feel like it invalidates what I have known in the past, but it does fill out and give a much broader meaning to what prayer is. Here is the really tough part that to me truly alters the perspective of my motivation to pray. Quite frankly, it rings true in my heart while scaring the bujeezers out of me.

"The purpose of prayer is to have communion with God and to be capable of accomplishing His will. Christians pray to enable themselves to know God and to do His commandments. Unless a person is willing to change himself and to conform himself to Christ in the fulfillment of his commandments, he has no reason or purpose to pray. According to the saints, it is even spiritually dangerous to pray to God without the intention of responding and moving along the path that prayer will take us."

See it? Prayer becomes about changing me and not the world around me. It becomes about what I can be transformed to, by and for God and not what He can make happen.

Perspective is a good thing.

Sweet Oregon goodness

2007-07-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again. I have said it before and I'll say it again. If you have never had an Oregon berry of any sort then you have no idea what that humble little fruit is capable of. Not to mention how many freaking varieties there are. Aside from your basic straw, rasp, and blue, we've got your marion, logan, tay, huckle, sylvan, olallie . . . the list goes on and on.

Now you have to understand that I grew up in Arkansas, where narry a berry ever crossed my lips. While it is an agricultural area and we had a large garden for many years, I guess the climate and such is not conducive to fruit as much as veggies and I just wasn't interested in the stuff from the produce department much less in a can. My mom and sister were always quite passionate about strawberries, but I could never figure out why they always added about 2 cups of sugar to a bowl of them to get them down. Even though I wasn't a fan, that still seemed like some sort of desecration to me. Until 2 years ago, I thought all strawberries were quite firm and always white in the center. And then I moved here. Holy flippin cow.

And the very best thing is that almost anywhere you live here in the Portland area, you can get to a "pick your own" farm in about 15 minutes. Unfortunately, the strawberry season is a short one, so both this year and last we were only able to make one trip. These pictures were taken the week before I went into labor when I still thought I had a month left in my pregnancy. In the 3 weeks it took me to recover, the strawberries disappeared.

After the strawberries are gone it's time for raspberries, blackberries and all of their relatives. This week was about marionberries, and no we're not talking about the former mayor of Washington D.C. It's a blackberry hybrid that I have been told you can only get in this area, but I'm not convinced that is true. This here bucket o' berries cost us all of 5 bucks. Oh, did I mention that at U-pick farms, the prices run about $1.25 a pound. And are you catching the blackness of these blackberries? You are looking at a big bucket of YUM! We made a crisp that night and the rest are frozen for smoothies and ice cream toppings and so on. Ah yes, it's one of those things that make all that rain worth it.

Thank you SSA

2007-07-20T18:22:00.001-07:00

Well, thanks to those stellar employees at the Social Security Administration, my new son has a new middle name. For those who may not know, we chose "Jude". The U.S. government, however, felt this would be more appropriate.

A new record

2007-07-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

I actually prepared an evening meal for my family 3 nights in a row. AAANND, they were all edible. Didn't have to order emergency pizza or anything. One of the recipes was even worth saving for future use. You may laugh, but for me that is pure success. There may be a homemaker in me yet.

Stupid Upgrade

2007-07-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I finally upgraded my template so I could take advantage of all the wonderful improvements since Google took over Blogger. Now my name doesn't fit in the "about me" portion and my widgets are gone and for all its simplicity I can't figure out how to get them back. Not that any of you care about what is in my personal library, but it makes me happy and now it's gone. Oh, and I hate the font of my header, but I have absolutely no idea how to change that. Grrrr.....

I'll try to blog something of more note soon.

The Perfect Storm

2007-06-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

On May 30th Erik received an email from a prof at George Fox who was looking to hire a student or 2 for a project he would be working on in southern Oregon for about 4-5 days. It is work that Erik has done before with this prof and he enjoys it. To get paid for it would be a bonus particularly considering it would be about the same amount that he would make in a month of work at REI. Seems like a no brainer, right? Here's the catch. The trip is to take place June 10 - 14. I believe it was just the day before when Erik and I had been discussing how huge my belly was and how neither of believed I would make it to week 40. When we agreed to select a date, he actually chose the 13th. I went more conservative with the 17th thinking how charming it would be to give birth on Father's Day. The overall point being, we both were confident the baby would come early, so how much of a risk would we be taking with him being gone for 5 days this late in the game. But we also knew that if he didn't go, and the baby did not arrive we would totally be kicking ourselves for passing up the opportunity not to mention the $$ right before I start maternity leave. So we discuss and agree that he will take the trip and if the baby comes, it comes and lots of fathers miss it, but life goes on.

The following week on June 4th, I have my regular weekly appointment and when the nurse takes my blood pressure, she looks at me and says "you're not usually high, are you?" To which I promptly reply "no, never". She takes it again and again I am in the 140/90 range which is not horrible, but for someone who hangs around the 120/60 area, it puts up this big waving red flag. Great. So in a nutshell, they send me home with this jug to collect a 24 hour urine sample, tell me to take the next 2 days off of work and come back on Wednesday the 6th to check the bp again. I have never missed a day of work for anything pregnancy related so I don't like this one bit, but I follow the orders. Let me just say though, how difficulat it is to go home with the instruction that 'we have some concerns, so we need you to go home and relax'. Sure, no problem. I'll just relax. Go back on Wednesday and the bp is now 167 or 176 over something ridiculous. They take it again and it drops down to 158 over something - still too high. Oh yeah, I failed to mention that Erik also had a retreat coming up on Friday and Saturday for the class he had been teaching. Not as far away as the other trip, but 2 full days of class regardless. So I of course then burst into tears over the fact that we have one day until he is gone for a full week and I am now considered a moderate to high risk pregnancy. I have never been any risk, in fact, I tend to be a downright boring pregnancy! This is not right at all! They start talking preeclampsia and induction and all kinds things that terrify me. Ultimately, the decision made was to admit me for 24 hours of monitering and then determine what the risk factor truly is at this point. I'm a little relieved though none too happy about spending the night in the hospital. They get me all set up in my room and Erik goes to make arrangements for the kids and work and such so he can spend the night with me. Meanwhile, they hook me up to the monitor to take my bp every 10 minutes and lo and behold it begins to drop down to the 130's range. Amidst the variety of folks talking to me we go from checking to see if I am "favorable" for an induction to the possibilty of being sent home. Finally, I was discharged with instruction to once again 'take it easy', no more work, and twice a week visits to the clinic for bp and urine checks. I promise Erik that I get the message and I will not worry one bit about any of the dishes in the kitchen or laundry to be done. I will absolutely chill out until he gets back from his trip, and then I will breathe a huge sigh of relief and probably have the baby soon after he gets home once all the stress is gone.

So we decide to leave Q and A at the neighbors place overnight so we can just get a good night's rest. The next morning I get up and decide to do a little of my prenatal yoga to help me start the day nice and relaxed. It was working just fine until my water broke. And we're off again! Only this time we know we will not leave the hospital again without a baby. What I did not expect was that my labor would never really get started on it's own despite the water breaking. I called the midwife just to let her know we would probably be in sometime, but she quickly corrected me and let me know that under my current circumstances they wanted me to head right in to the hospital so I could be monitored there. Lovely. Again we do as we're told all the while waiting for some kind of regular contractions to kick in which they never do. That monster Pitocin is there just around the corner lying in wait for me, I just know it. My midwife checks in with me, we talk again of what some of the risks are that we are looking at with my water already broken and my bp still running on the high end of the spectrum. She said she would give it about 12 hours before she really starts getting pushy about moving things along. After she leaves, Erik and I talk and agree that if we end up with Pitocin, we really don't want to start the process at 8:00pm just as I'm really starting to get tired. So we set 2:00pm as the deadline.
Again, because of the stupid bp, I have to be - at the very least - hooked up to a fetal monitor along with periodic bp checks so I am not allowed to leave the room and wander the halls in an effort to get things moving.

They were kind enough to let me have some kind of wireless fetal monitor so I could at least pace around my room and we did have windows with a halfway decent view. Still nothing. 2:00 comes and goes. Around 2:30 Maggie - my midwife - and her student show up to discuss. It still takes me awhile, but Erik and I both know this is what needs to happen. We all have our vision of what our birth experience should look like, but I really did not want to be foolish either. So we give the green light to get the pit drip started. It takes awhile to actually get all that stuff going I guess, so it was actually around 4:30pm when they actually got me hooked up and they did still allow me to have some mobility instead of making me stay in the bed. I have to give a big kudos also to my L&D nurse whose name actually escapes me now, or Maggie who wrote the orders, but the Pitocin was not nearly as horrible as I had prepared myself for it to be. For the most part I still got breaks to rest a little in between contractions and to be honest the pain of my first 2 kids is lost in the fog of the past so I can not really say that the pain of these was significantly worse. Labor is labor. It hurts. Period. Finally, though, at 9:17pm, our second son was born.

So all of that to say we are pleased to introduce you to Milo Jude Young.

After a few minor issues that kept him in the NICU for about 4-5 hours we were finally all together by about 3:00am on Friday morning.

It truly did feel like one of those situations where a lot of undesirable factors and events came together all at once just to make things more complicated to navigate, but ultimately it worked out for the best as it removed the stress of trying to spend a week NOT having a baby. Erik did miss the first day of the retreat, but was able to be there on Saturday to wrap up as well as make the trip to southern Oregon and earn some money. Yeah, it wasn't entirely easy to be home without him, but I definitely felt far more confident doing that than the thought of going through the whole delivery without him there especially with the various decisions to be made. It is so true that every birth experience is just completely different, but it just helps to remind me that so are each of my children. I can't wait to see what new dynamic and joy and surprise Milo will bring to our family. Stay tuned . . . .

Awwww . . . . .

2007-05-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

In case you can't quite make it out, that very succinct title is "Missionary Schools and the Enlightenment of the Alaskan Natives: A Theological and Sociological Survey of Russian Orthodox and Protestant Missionary Efforts Among the Natives of the Aleutian Islands and Southeastern Alaska". Yes, I know it may not be the Great American Novel, but to me it is one of the greatest pieces of literature ever written.

Some would say that our decision to move out here was absolutely crazy and if I were being honest I would probably have to admit there are some days they may be right. The last year has been particularly stressful as Erik spent much of it buried in this thesis business. But in March he turned in the final draft and in April he successfully defended it. It wasn't until all was said and done and it had already been turned in for binding that he showed me the dedication page. (Who knew a thesis had a dedication page?) Anyway, it won't mean much to anyone else who may read it, but it means the world to me.

You want me to do WHAT???

2007-05-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

So I hit the 36 week mark of my pregnancy and went in for the first of my now weekly checkups. Being that this is my 3rd time around I knew that we would be doing the Group B strep test which means the end of external only exams. I've had 2 kids already so it's not like I'm particularly modest or uncomfortable when it comes to this point. What I did not expect, though, was that I would be asked to do the test MYSELF! I mean, come on, just because I prefer a natural approach to birth (which by the way I find to be a bit of a misnomer because in my opinion, unless the child comes out your nostril, it is a "natural" birth) does not mean that I am really that in touch with my body and would prefer to just do all of the work myself. I won't go into graphic detail, but suffice it to say that this is not a blood test. It involves a rather long q-tip looking thing and the nurse actually used the words "swish it around".

Now, I have actually been strip searched at a South American border crossing before and I would say that this was almost as awkward a moment in my life. And aside from the "do I really want to get to know myself this well?" factor, let me draw your attention back to the first sentence. 36 weeks. That's 9 months kids. My ever expanding belly is at a point where even my husband has told me it looks fake. Just managing to catch the urine sample each visit is getting a little dicey much less a feat like this. I'm still not sure I even did it right, but we'll just trust all will be fine at the delivery.

I am actually very happy to be with this particular practice and I specifically chose this hospital because of its' great reputation. I guess I'll just say that I never realized prenatal care would vary so significantly from one state to another and it's been a bit of an adjustment. Hopefully, there won't be too many more surprises.

Fear of Change

2007-05-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

Strangely, this is not like me at all. My basic personality is one that rolls with, embraces, sometimes even thrives on change. But this whole blogger update has me hesitating. They would have me believe that blogging will be even easier and I'll have more flexibility and be able to do lots of new cool tricks. But the problem is that I just really like my template. When I set this whole thing up, I knew that was the one (like ya know with a good melon). ; ) And now I'm just afraid that if I take the plunge and update to the new blogger I will lose my template forever. Silly, I know but I'm just telling you how I feel. Weird where we sometimes find security.

Sisterly love

2007-05-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago Erik and Quincy were talking a bit of trash to one another about how their wrestling match planned for the next day was going to go. At one point Erik says, "well, maybe I'll string you up by your toes like a pinata". To which Adelaide - who had been sitting quietly on Erik's lap the whole time - pipes up with "YEAH! And get some CANDY out of him!!

Nice to know the girl has her priorities straight.

Pascha

2007-05-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know that I will ever be able to successfully capture the experience that is Pascha (Orthodox Easter). For one, you can't just jump in to Pascha without prefacing with the entire season of Great Lent and the journey that that is. This is only our second time around and while we did not participate to the same extent as we did last year - specifically in the area of fasting, but also with the myriad other services that take place - it was still an impactful (is that a word?) experience. At the very least, the kids were content to go and sleep in the parish hall during the Divine Liturgy allowing us to take more of it in. By the time it was over some of the the older kids had joined them so all were actually awake and a bit giddy with anticipation of the banquet to come as well as the fact that it was the middle of the night and they were in their sleeping bags in their Sunday School classroom. If that is all they take from it, it's actually fine with me because at least they got some sense of the excitement and joy that surrounds this holiday. The transition to the Orthodox Church has been kind of rough on them because they are not "entertained" as was the case in most other churches we have attended. This was exciting and different and I believe it is something they will look forward to with eagerness next year.

Soooo, since I am not willing to take the necessary time to describe the whole thing I will just say that it is all just dripping with tradition and symbolism and a sense of eternal community. And regardlesss of your faith tradition, if you have never taken part in Lent (Eastern or Western) I would highly recommend it. Most of my life it always seemed that Easter just kind of snuck up on me, but that is no longer the case. Try it out next year and see if I don't speak the truth.

Finally, what post about Easter would be complete without at least a couple of pictures of kids hunting eggs. Unfortunately, mine were so intent on the search, I couldn't seem to catch a photo with them looking at ME. They most certainly were not interested in the distraction of mom with her camera and posterity and what not. Till next year . . . . Christ is Risen!

For my friend Cori (the climber)

2007-05-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

Maybe if they made this kind of harness for grown ups, you would feel braver . . . . or maybe not. If it's any consolation, I'm certain that you made it much higher than Adelaide and that she would be terribly envious of the matching pink hat and belt. = )
Oh yeah, and be glad Chuck doesn't work for REI because this was at our Christmas party.

Spring Break

2007-05-07T12:29:00.000-07:00

Fortunately, Erik and Quincy's spring breaks fell on the same week so, miracle of miracles, we had one day where none of us had to be anywhere. So we took off for the coast, this time to Astoria. For you movie folks, this is the charming seaside community that was the location for 2 80's favorites, "Goonies" and "Short Circuit". We didn't spend much time actually in town except to eat lunch, but Erik did promise that next time we go he will be doing the 'Truffle Shuffle' in front of the Goonies house. But for this visit we headed out to Ft. Stevens to play in the sand and taunt the sea. I look forward to the time when we can spend more days like this . . . . .

Another year older . . . times 2

2007-04-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

And then we had birthdays. The kids are 2 years and 12 days apart and this is the first year that we did a joint birthday party. I kind of hate to do that, but there were circumstances - one being duplicate guest lists - that made it seem just more practical. I gave them the option, and after a little thought they decided it was okay to have one shared party. Fortunately, since the advent of Belleville Lego sets, they were also able to agree on a single "theme".

I hesitate to post pictures just in case Gayla still checks in here. My efforts seem just a little less than pitiful when compared to the pirate extravaganza she put together. Oh well, we all work with the skills we have right? The kids seemed to have fun.

So here's a little bit of what it looked like . . . .

The kids hung the streamers themselves.

And yes, I know he needs a haircut. . . . .

pictorial catch up

2007-04-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

Back in March, we were able to go in with 2 other families on a cabin at Lake Odell in the Cascade mountains for a couple of days of playing in the snow. I actually was a little stressed with work and Erik was probably a lot stressed with his thesis, but we still had a really good time. And we were actually able to get the rare photo of all 4 (or technically 5 as you can tell by my bulging belly) of us together.

The night before we left we decided to go ahead and buy a sled. Huge hit! The only drawback was that after they experienced the sled, we couldn't get them to go more than 30 yards on the snowshoes and forget the skis. Maybe next year. It was still a ball to watch their faces as they sped down the hill again and again.

I'm Ba-ack

2007-04-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

So yeah, it's been ohhhh . . . 3 1/2 months since I last posted. So long in fact, that my blog account was taken over by Google and I didn't even know it and besides that I could not remember the proper username and password to log in anyway. But my kids are at the neighbors house and my husband is at work and I decided I would sit down and figure this darn thing out. I have to admit, I'm also embarrassed that the last thing I did actually post was a silly rant. So hopefully I haven't lost the few readers that I did have and I will be providing something for your perusal soon. That doesn't mean it will be good, but it'll be something with which to waste a few moments of your day.

A long overdue rant

2007-01-13T20:54:00.000-08:00

www.traveltheroad.com (Yeah, I still don't know how to post links, but in this case it's just as well, since I don't actually recommend this website or the program.)

Sorry, but these guys really annoy me. I have only seen this show a handful of times, but for some reason I keep coming across the same episode and it absolutely makes me crazy! They visit Tibet and witness a sky burial and their portrayal of it is one of the most culturally insensitive, not to mention completely ignorant, things I have ever seen. They know nothing of the Tibetan culture nor the Bhuddist religion. Two things one would think they would have researched just the tiniest bit before heading out to bring the 'light of Jesus' to these seemingly 'hopeless barbarians'. Not to mention educating yourself on something as simple as the weather. No lie, they head for the mountains of Tibet with nothing more than a lightweight rain jacket. I was appalled both as a Christian and as an REI employee.

Oh and the drama of the narraration. It's just ridiculous. And besides all that, what truly called and compassionate missionary takes a camera man with them as they flit through various volatile locations for, oh I don't know, 3-5 days at a time? Now that's certainly making an impact (she said rolling her eyes). I suppose I should watch the series for a while to truly give them a fair shake, but I find it just far too painful and it always puts me in this cranky state. And I don't like being cranky with folks who deep down probably believe the same core things that I do.

You would think I would have learned by now to stay away from TBN. I'm far happier with Globetrekker on OPB.

Rant complete . . . for now.

Something I still miss

2006-12-11T13:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I have been attending an Orthodox Church fairly regularly for almost a year now and there is much that I love about it. Many of my lifelong paradigms - yeah, I hate that word too, but it's all I could think of - have been altered and many things I held tightly over the years have been released. I don't think there is anything I would change about the way they express their faith. But I have to admit there is one thing that I miss. For lack of a better term, it is contemporary worship. But not just any upbeat guitar and drums with pretty back up singers and a state of the art sound system. And not a bunch of 'Jesus is my boyfriend/girlfriend' type lyrics.

There are a few folks who read this who have had the opportunity to participate in a time of worship with Bob Thomas leading. Bob is one of those rare finds -- talented and humble with this amazing desire to just find and then rest in God's presence. If you would like to come along, he's glad to have you join him. I miss that. I miss the occasional unstructured time in a small group just rolling with wherever the worship takes you. And now that I think a little more about it, I don't think it's necessarily being in the Orthodox church that makes me miss it. I visited other churches when I first moved here that were closer to what I was accustomed to and even they left me feeling a little . . . . I don't know . . . unfulfilled. I know, I know, it is not the purpose of a Sunday service to fulfill me. I just have this little selfish desire inside to find some place or group that gathers maybe once a month or a quarter or something and just goes with it.

It's interesting to me how we all have different ways of being drawn into the presence of God or maybe just sensing that closeness that happens every so often. For some it can only be found in the classical styles of traditional or liturgical churches and this contemporary worship band stuff is just silliness while others feel quite the opposite. I guess there is really no right or wrong. I've tried to convince myself that the whole modernization of the worship was a bad idea, but then I remember a quiet Saturday night in Plano, TX singing "Resting" or "I Love Your Presence" or "I Receive" and I really miss it. I really, really do.